A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex boyfriend and I broke up about eight months ago and I still can't get over it, we dated for two years, I was twenty and he was thirty-two, first my family was against it because of the age difference, they said he was just using me but that wasn't really the case, and even if it were I was madly in love and wouldn't listen to anybody. He's attractive and has a good job, we really got along well, had similar tastes, liked going out, doing sports, or just being at home watching movies, and the sex was good, anyway he broke up with me out of the blue, in the last couple of months of our relationship he'd been acting strange, a bit aloof I asked why and he said it was the pressure of his new job, I tried to be supportive and not push him. So when we broke up I suspected there could be someone else involved, and then three weeks after our break-up I went to his house to collect some things I'd left there and found female clothes that weren't mine, I felt hurt because he'd already replaced me so I decide I had to pick up the pieces and carry on, I started dating again, but somehow I keep comparing every guy with him, no one is handsome, charming, clever, funny like him, and I missed him so terribly that after three months of our breaking up I went to his place and asked about his new girlfriend ( big mistake I know).He was gentle with me and tried not to hurt my feelings but I insisted and he confessed He had found a new girlfriend; but that I already knew I saw her picture on his facebook, she's twenty-nine and a doctor( not a medical one, but a PhD), she's really pretty and blonde like he likes ( I'm a brunette I wanted to dye my hair blonde once to please him but he said he liked me as I was) anyway he also confessed that he had slept with her prior to our break-up I think I needed to know the ugly truth so I would hate him instead of loving him, but it went the wrong way, I felt bad but still missed him too much so we wound up in bed. I wanted to hurt his new girlfriend and at the same time I thought we might get back together, but it didn't happen, after that one time I forced myself not to see him again, he didn’t try to contact me either, besides missing him and still not getting over him the fact that his new girlfriend is so much prettier/smarter than I has also affected my confidence, I'm not ugly or uneducated but I can't stop to think I'm not good enough. I heard from one of his friends that his relationship with her is shaken, I wonder should I try to pursue him, or forget about him for good, although I still love him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 forget him
think about the fact that he cheated on the woman he is currently with. and he cheated on you. this means even if you had a shot of getting back with him (and I don't think you do), wouldn't you always wonder if he was cheating on you?
I think that it's best if you just move forward in your life.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (30 June 2011):
Listen, it's not this other woman that has affected your confidence, it is this poor excuse of a man that has caused all of this.Firstly, I can see that you are totally in to this guy. So much so, that you are not seeing things for how they really are.Here's a fact for you, this "charming" man cheated on you to be with another woman, and then cheated on another woman to be with you. Not only that, but when you could see he had a problem, he had no issue with lying to you and blaiming it on work! He is a lier, and a cheat. No wonder you are left in the state that you are now.You ask if you should try and pursue him, are you serious? Why would you want to pursue this guy. You forget that this guy is no longer the guy you thought he was. You need to come to terms with that, in that nothing is going to bring back how things used to be. And in all this mess, you've lowered your standards, your morals and principles and caused this other woman to be cheated on as well. You're going to make her hurt, just as you are. Isn't that a little bit cruel, was this man really worth doing that?You need to a good measure of confidence and commitment to move on from this guy. You need to invest time in something other than him. Family, friends, work? There must be something.But above all, you need to wake up to the realities of this man. He is not the guy you used to look up to. He is a cheater, and a lier, and nothing is going to change that. You deserve so much better, and you need to believe that.
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A
female
reader, heytay +, writes (30 June 2011):
The best thing I could say for you to do is try to move on. Chances are if he was just as in love with you he wouldn't have cheated on you. (but don't get me wrong, this may not exactly be the case) Try to move on as best as you can, in your own time frame. Forcing yourself to go out and date will not get you anywhere. It will only make matters worse, cause all you will want is to still be with him. Take some time off. Whether your a student, or have a full time career or both, try to take some time off without messing things up. Take a little time to collect yourself and understand what happened, and what you really want in a guy. Just because you believe you were in love with this guy, doesn't mean you really were. There may be another guy, that you will love even more. I know it hurts, and all you want is to get rid of that other women and go back to him. But if he would do something as terrible as cheating on you, how good of a man is he really? It's rough now, but things will get better. You will meet more people and you'll move on with your life. Your only, what. 20? 21? You have the prime years of your life right now. Don't let one person ruin that for you.
I hope things work out for you (:
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (30 June 2011):
i don.t think you should change for a man no way i would forget about him you will meet someone that loves you for you and doesnt put you down and cheat on you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): Forget him! He's proven untrustworthy by cheating on both of you. Its highly likely his cheating ways have probably landed him in a pickle with his new girlfriend.
Do not try and pursue, have more self respect and say no. You will feel a lot better for it. If he tries to contact you tell him 'gently' that you have moved on and have no intention of raking up old ground.
He is not mature enough for a relationship as he doesn't know how to be faithfull and loyal.
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