A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically my girlfriend split up with me coming up to 5 months ago now. I believe it was she wasn't sure of what she wanted but she didn't want to be with me because of how I had become she had sat me down numerous times, wrote letters etc etc telling me how things needed to change but one night I overstepped the line with my paranoid, pushy and daft ways. She said she couldn't do it anymore.We saw each other for a while afterwards, then I heard she had kissed a lad mate of hers a few times. I decided that was that and had to try forget about her cos it was hurting me 2 much. We didn't speak for about 1.5 to 2 months. I went off and met this girl and slept with her (after finding out about my ex kissing her friend). I thought under the circumstances at that time it was ok and it did help me forget about my ex but all along I was doubtful as to how much I actually liked this girl so eventually told her I was too confused etc and left it there. In the 2 months me and my ex didn't speak I did bump into her once in a shopping centre and I was quite cold towards her because this was before I slept with the other girl and was when I found out about her kissing this lad. I just chatted for a bit and went well I've gotta go and left.She is now at uni and has been for about 3 weeks.About 3 weeks before she went to uni she found out from one of her friends that I had slept with somebody else. The night she found out she text me saying she knows that the text is random (because we hadn't spoke 4 a while) but she told me since we split up she didn't know if it was right or not. Anyway we text for a while and she was saying that she wanted things to be out in the open. in a few texts she mentioned I just always wondered if it was right or not but you've moved on now so that doesn't matter, saying maybe she should do the same. I heard that she had told some of her friends that she missed me etc and was going to call.We met one night and just went for a drink, we chatted about everything that had happened and had just general chat, it wasn't awkward it was good.About 2 weeks later we went 2 the cinema and watched a film.She then moved to uni (which is a 20 min drive away - not far - shes been home everyweekend so far)Since she has been up at uni I have been on a night out with her, a few of her friends and a few of my friends, we ended up kissing a few times, hugged each other and she cried on my shoulder. I asked her what was wrong and I can't fully remember but I know we got onto the topic of this girl I had slept with. Then went back to her halls were we slept in the same bed (nothing happened).The morning after I chatted to her about how I felt etc, she basically said that she was considering getting back with me but ive slept with somebody else now so... She said that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. She said the reason why she did nothing more than kiss anybody else is because I once said to her that if I found out she had, that would be it and I'd never speak to her again (this was about a year ago when we were together) she then suggested that because of me saying that to her, it means that I must have thought it was completely over with her and not bothered about her that much to go sleep with somebody else. I told her it didn't mean anything and was a mistake and why I did it etc. She said to me that she knows but if it was the other way round I couldn't and wouldn't just forget. She then said and not only that, I'm at uni now and she has come to uni single and wants to make the most of her time there, probably meaning that she wouldn't want to be with me cos she is scared of me been controlling etc like was towards the end of the relationship, I asked her how she felt towards me, she was reluctant 2 say and I said please, she said sometimes you can say too much. She told me I know how much she cares about me, and I'll always have a special place in her heart (like she said when we broke up) She then suggested we left it and not talk about it anymore. I got pretty upset.We've chatted quite a lot on facebook, I saw her out in town the other night and we talked briefly but I have a feeling she is'nt too happy with me cos she saw me with this girl (who I wasn't interested in she just carried on talking to me and would go away etc) cos she carried on looking over and so on.she mentioned to me that she isn't going to come home now till Christmas. (which I don't really believe but hey!).Sorry for dragging this on just wanted to get it all off my chest.So basically the problem is, I do want to be with my ex again, more than anything! things would be different (I wouldn't be paranoid etc cos I look at things like her going out etc differently now) but I don't know what to make of the situation I'm in or what's the best way forward?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): she is toying with you didn't you notice that the only time she took interest was when you were with another girl she only wants you when she can't have you and i hate to say this but girls do it a lot they have a falling out with someone and then get upset when the person has appeared to have moved on quickly they aren't still interested but they find themselves missing that person because they haven't found some one new like they have. leave her she sound a bit unstable and is obviously not interested didn't you notice how when you started hanging out again she lost interest. all she needed to know was that you still wanted her and she could move on. it's absurd i know but most girls are like this sorry but moveone maybe get away you know travel or go to a different town/ city/suburb where you can meet new people
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel pretty certain she does still have feelings for me. She is very stubborn though and i know that she wont want to get back with me straight away after this event or even chance it atm, im guessing this is probably because of me going off with another girl! I also know that she is a very honest person, loyal and has definatley got her head screwed on, she is emotional as well.
I do love her and want to be with her more than anything. Ive taken this breakup so badly, and when i saw a photo of her kissing another lad i assumed they were getting together so went off and tried something to help me get over my ex.
Any comments on what is the best thing i can do to prove this please?
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 She is simply playing by your rules, and she's punishing you for having sex with someone else so quickly. This is something women will never understand about the men who claim to "love them" but so quickly find someone else to bang in their absence. I don't know your g/f but it's possible that she has either lost her feelings for you because of this lustful act.
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