A
female
age
,
*razyKatz
writes:My ex and I were married for 38 years and I found out he was cheating for the last five of those years. He divorced me over my objections, and was willing to pay dearly for it. Now he doesn't see the girl as much (she is married) but I think they still talk on the phone. This all happened back in 2007.My problem is I still love the guy, I can't find anyone else even though I have tried. For awhile I tried no contact but he started telling the kids and g.kids how depressed he was, so I thought maybe we could get back together. I invite him over here and he calls me every night. We go out occasionally but less now because he is running out of money.All efforts on my part to get him to move back are rebuffed gently but thoroughly. When I ask him if he wants me to find someone else he says no but yet he won't commit to me.I am sick to my stomach over the thought that both of us are lonely but he refuses to see that we could have a good relationship in our senior years....
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 I think you are right, maybe the best thing to do is to just be there for him, as long as he is there for you.
My granpa was 74 when my granma died, he met another woman a year later and they were together for another 10 years until he died, so sometimes age isn't such a barrier for some people.
Maybe he has just gotten to a stage in his life where he just wants to be left, I guess that can happen for some folks.
It's good that you are there for him and sometimes we just have to make the best of a difficult situation...right?
I bet if the going got tough he'd come running so he is still in your life to some capacity and at least you get to have dinner once in a while...who knows, perhaps he will change his mind in the future.
Wishing you some peace x
A
female
reader, KrazyKatz +, writes (24 October 2012):
KrazyKatz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear AuntyEm,He is 72 and when I talk about moving on he says that he doesn't have the energy for anyone else. And he truly isn't looking. That's why I think this is so odd....we fit as far as likes and dislikes, we are both very fussy about hygiene etc. I know that sounds odd but it is a deal breaker for both of us. When ever he comes over for dinner which is frequently he will hug and kiss me good-bye. But at other times he is very reserved.I guess what is so confusing is that so many of the signs of a relationship are there but he just won't commit to coming back. I probably will continue this way as long as he wants because I haven't seen anyone at my age that is worth a second look much less anyone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with and I have tried.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 October 2012):
I am so sorry for your predicament, it must be very tough.
For whatever reason, it's your ex that is putting up barriers so it suggests that for him, whatever was between you is over (sorry)
Being lonely is not a reason to try and squeeze something back together when it was wrong to begin with.
He cheated on you for 5 years and divorced YOu as soon as the objections came...this appears to be because, for him, the marriage was over and he wanted to move on.
Things obviously did not work out between him and the new lady and he had become depressed. This is probably because he badly wants to move on...but to someone else, he just can't find her. He is telling you clearly that he won't come back and I think you have to accept that and maybe try to move on yourself.
It's hard and upsetting but unless you both still love eachother and want to be together...it just won't work.
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