A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiMy fiance and i have been together a little over a year .We were quite happy together about 7 months ago we moved in together and now it seems im always getting upset with him about things like picking up after himself or just helping me with some of the house work what can i do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): My husband does zero housework, but he pays all the bills. What is your situation?
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (17 October 2007):
Do you both work full time jobs?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): My dad helps my mum around the house and does all the cooking. Personally I wouldn't even get myself into your situation, living with a guy who was lazy and expected you to do everything, it would annoy me so much! But you can change this, don't wash his dishes or clothes, just take care of your own clothes, dishes and then once he gets that message talk about a routine, like he washes up twice a week or something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Hi Darling,
Alot of men dont think about house work the way a woman does, Its not the most important thing on there minds love. It would be nice sometimes for my man to clean up but its just not in his makeup he isnt really untidy just chilled out to that part of life, He has done me a favour really as I always had to have everything perfect and now the house isnt perfect but my relationship is.
If you have a great relationship apart from this, Then just say one more time you would be so much more at ease if he could just pick his stuff up then you would have more time to spend together, If you go on about it constantly he probably wonder what the big deal is hunny as believe me they really dont mean to be like that there is just more important things on his mind.
I dont think my son will find a woman that wants to live with him hunny its in n out and tidy once a month, It can be hard to adjust to someone being in your space as well, I found this at first but love overcomes the little annoying things and they just become a part of the person you love.
Failing all that ive just said wake him up early on sunday and pop a duster and the hoover on top of him and go out for an hour, Hope it all works out hunny TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Aunt Lou Lou  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 It sounds to me like you may be mothering him a little bit too much. Whilst you are picking up after him and doing chores without his input he is getting away with not having to do anything. I think that rather than moaning about it to him (and you being the bad guy), perhaps try and introduce him into doing a few things. If his washing piles up and he has nothing to wear, it will be his own fault. Tactfully try and get him to help you with things a little more, and if that doesn't work, then perhaps you will have to sit down and tell him how this is upsetting you. Suggest you do these things together. I.e. You hoover and he can dust? You will wash up if he does the washing? Try and make it so it is fair. Good Luck !
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Hi,
Either ask him nicely to help, or live with the fact he is lazy and you will have to do it all, and get rid of him.
I am afraid there are a lot of men out there like this, I am lucky enough to be the owner of one myself.L.O.L.
I cant stand the thought of arguing with him over petty things, so I do it all for him. I really dont mind though, because in every other way he is kind and sweet and takes care of me.
I guess it depends on what is important to you. Getting help with a bit of housework, or peace in your home and him telling all his mates how lucky he is to have you.
I know a lot of ladies say that they want to be equal to men, but I dont see taking care of a man as a chore, and not being his equal. If anything it makes me feel superior.
XXX
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I think you have got to talk to him about this, otherwise things are going to get worse. Relationships,and owning a house together are about both of you putting in 100%. When one person is doing most of or all of the work then it can cause feelings of resentment. Talk to him and tell him he has got to start pulling his weight around the house and helping out with the chores.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, deee999 +, writes (17 October 2007):
HiYou can change the tactics a little and stop treating him like he's a kid. He lives there too, you are not his mother, either he wants to be a grown up, which involves doing grown up things (I'm sure he would not be keen on giving up other grown up things) and taking responsibility for himself. Its part of the respect and care which makes up a relationship. He needs to do his part towards cleaning and cooking and so on. Sit down with him and tell him honestly. You don't have to nag or have a row, just talk to him. If you want to have an honest relationship you need to be able to talk about everything, and he needs to respect you, not treat you like an unpaid housekeeper.Good luck, I hope it all works out
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