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anonymous
writes: A few months ago my partner of nine years told me that he had feelings for another woman. Due to this I had to give up my job (she worked with us). Now my partner tells me he wants to be with me but I cannot let it go. He says it started due to me pushing him away all the time, which I can understand. I just want my life back to normal.We have three children so life is stressful anyway. It feels like he's avoiding me. On top of this we are arguing about money and everything feels like it's going wrong but I love him so much that I just can't let him go. The only advantage is that our sex life is now the best that it has ever been. Please help me to try and save my relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2005): I can understand how you feel, like your whole world has tumbled down on top of you and you think 'Why me? I'm not a bad person', but listen to yourself. Think what it is that made him have feelings for another. It may be that this other person showed him something you once showed him but due to years of being together and children, which for sure do come first most of the time, you tend to push each other out the way for the sake of everything else: kids, work, even friends, without always realising it. This happens; it's no ones fault. You love him to bits but can't stand the feeling he's looked in another direction from yours. He must love you to be honest with you; most men would see a slap in the face coming if they told their partners they have had feelings elsewhere. Maybe now this is out in the open you should take time off have the kids stay at theor grandparents' and go for a weekend break and rekindle the time you have lacked in each other. You never know, it might just be that you need time together by yourselves. Try not to be to hard on him; after all, he told you something that could have lost him everything, all by being honest. If the break doesn't help, and you still want to be together, seek advice outside your family and friends i.e Relate or something like it. Hope things work out all the best.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 May 2005):
First you should be grateful that he has told you about his feelings. Not a lot of people would. He was honest with you and he treated you with respect by telling you about it.I think you should let it go, you say your sex life is the best, maybe your relationship could be getting stronger?I think you both should spend sometime together away from the children and worries, this would help you by having a break from life's pressures causing all the stress etc. and it would also be an opportunity for you both, this is if you can afford it which you might not be able with having three children and all.Sounds to me that your partner had an affair with another women as he wasn't getting sex from you (I take it) and has admitted it partially, realised that he loves you so much and dont want to lose you he breaks up the affair he was having as he knew he was making a mistake, and rush back to you wanting you back, also for the sake of your children.I think you both need to have a long talk about everything and that holiday idea would be a good thing to think about if you can get someone to look after the children, it doesnt even have to be paris or anywhere, could be at a local hotel and going to restraunts for dinner, healthcare places for massages etc. I personally think this would strengthen your relationship up a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2005): Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my book. But you know him better than anyone else. You have to do what is right for you and the children, if you want him back make him work for it, so you know that he's tryig. Not only for you but for your children. They got hurt because of his actions too. Listen to what your heart says, then you will know, but remember it will take time and trust.
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