A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sisters (1 older than me and 1 younger) are both married, one with children, one of my friends has been married 3 times and has 4 children, another is married with 5 children. It seems that the women of my age I meet in business are also all married. They are all very different women, yet they managed to find partners (even get married 3 times!) and have children or not according to preference. I’m not hideously ugly and my friends enjoy my company. But somehow for me there have been few dates, fewer relationships and definitely no proposals, even in places like university where there were many single people around. It’s become worse over the years as I went in to business for myself although I tried to make new friends. Now I’m older and everyone seems to be married or coupled already and if you look through the internet dating sites it’s difficult to find single men (except divorced ones) who are my age.Where did I go wrong? Do some women generate some kind of “I’m not relationship material” vibe that causes them to be overlooked?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 You went to university. You probably also practice safe sex. In my book that isn't "going wrong", it just means actions are controlled, and not forced or left up to so called "accidents". Not to be mean, but my guess is that your friends and sisters didn't get an education, they got poor jobs, live off of their men, their children, or first child anyway, was planned by mother and presented to father as an "accident". They also married the first and best, and wasted all their savings on numerous weddings with men that weren't worth it, or didn't suit them, ending in even more expensive divorces, with one kid with every ex-husband. These children probably also planned by mommy dear and presented to dad as an "accident".
Oh what a joyful life! Where did THEY go wrong I wonder instead. Who wants to have been married 5 times with 5 kids and be single while still in their 20'ties? And without an education on top of it all. Sounds like a thrill.
Of course, Im only speaking from personal experience here, what I've seen myself and how my friends have gone about the entire "marriage and kids" ordeal. All the friends I have who have children at this age are uneducated. Some never even finished high school. The children were not planned, but "accidents" (more like the woman lying about being on contraception).
So no, I don't think you did anything wrong, I think you are being smart about being cautious, using contraceptives, being responsible, and ensuring that you do not end up with children with 5 different fathers. It is not good for the children to grow up like that, and NOT doing that shows you take responsibility and think of possible children more than you think of yourself. Having a child for selfish reasons is... selfish and destructive. The ones who did that are the ones who went wrong, not you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): you mention your friend who's been married three times. i don't know about you, but i wouldn't be aspiring to be just like that! she's obviously not doing something right. i would much rather be single at your age and not have three divorces under my belt, than be in that boat.also, you mention having another friend who's married with FIVE children. another "i don't know about you" scenario, but i wouldn't want to be in my late twenties with five kids. that's not necessarily something to be jealous of. that sounds like a very chaotic life for being so young! i am right in your age range, so believe me, i totally understand what you're going through. everyone i know that's my age is married with babies, too! but don't worry. you'll find someone! you're still too young to be that worried about it! i have faith!!!
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (19 April 2011):
It hasn't gone all wrong - look at your friend who has been married three times, now that's an example of going wrong.I'd much rather be in your position than your friend. All that's happening at the moment is you're feeling under pressure because other people are settling down and your not. As your example shows, it doesn't mean everything is rosy.Looking at your age (26-29), you're still young and now really is the only time you should start thinking about settling down, not when you are younger. One reason why a lot of relationships fail is because they settle down too young and are not ready for it, but they don't realise it at the time.Take your time finding the right one and it will come out good in the end. Internet dating seems a popular way forward and you will probably have to fish through a lot of the dead wood but there are probably some good ones on there.But however you find your man, make sure you have enough time to socialise and that you're not bogged down in work.
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