A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30. My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years and while I love him dearly, I'm getting really frustrated that everyone around me seems to be getting engaged, married and/or having kids whereas I'm still 'single' (we don't even live together - although this isn't an issue as that's not something I've ever wanted to do before marriage [not a religious thing, just a preference]).I know he loves me and he treats me so, so well. I've never pushed the subject because I don't want a reflex-proposal - one where I know he only did it because I've chucked the sh*ts - and I don't want to leave him because I'd rather be with him and continue this way if need be than be with anyone else because he is such a beautiful person. But he's just told me tonight about ANOTHER friend of his who's gotten engaged -- and this girl has only been with her guy for 1 and 1/2 years!! I can't even pretend to be happy for her. I know I shouldn't compare and I ought to be grateful for what I do have, but I can't help wondering why some girls get to 'graduate' to wife, while I'm stuck in girlfriend-land? Is there something about some girls that is so marry-able and others not? I would definitely love to hear from some men on this one! Thanks for reading.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Do you want to marry him just becuase "everyone else is getting married", or do you want to marry "him"? Once you answer that, you will know what to do next.
If you are just jealous of others, then that is a sign you need to find someone else. He is not fulfilling you.
If you want to marry him, then what are you waiting for? Make your move, and talk to him. Propose if you must. If he has to think about it at all...dump him. If he does not have the balls to step up after four years at the age of 30, then he will never be man enough to be a good husband.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Are you afraid to bring up marriage? I was as well, but I got all the guts up I had and brought it up about a week ago. We're getting married in 10 days. Sometimes all it takes is a little honesty. He may be feeling the same way you feel.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I am in a similar boat as you however I dont even have a boyfriend or any male friends who could be potential bf. It is very difficult to see that people close to you are getting married and having kids. Every year it is a new kid or another wedding and at times it really does hurt and makes me ask, "So what's wrong with me? What's the deal?"
1) You don't want to marry just to be married. New level = new problems. It may look great on the outside but you will have to be with that man for the rest of your life you like it or not unless someone is unfaithful. It is a ton of work and many people jump in without even considering that the marriage is partnership and money is now used, split, blended and etc. Love isnt just there but more responsibilities and the beginning of a new family.
2) Dont let what you see or hear pressure you or anger you. DO be happy for those women who have found someone to love. If you begrudge them in your heart you will pay for it. be happy for them and keep planning and thinking about your wedding and marriage. Don't let their joy invoke bitterness in your heart.
3) Ask him if you two can evaluate the relationship. Have you ever discussed if there is a future between you two? have you spoken about if you want kids and how many? Who's job dictates where you will live. What your plans are for retirement. You want to be on the same accord. He may be loving the bf-gf life but have no intentions of marrying you or even marrying in the next 5 years. How does that make you feel. Do you even know his thoughts on that? That is something to check out during this relationship evaluation. He quite possibly just want to save up enough money to get you the ring or is looking for a better jon to where he knows for sure he can support you as his wife and have more than enough for things that come in life. Talk to him about these things.
4) Push the snooze button you on your biological clock. it is hard hearing that your friends have kids or seeing a friend who is gorgeous and glowing from pregnancy. I am 30 too and for the past 12 years I have wanted a child of my own. I have seen friend after friend have babies and enjoy motherhood. Some are already on their 4th child and are the same age as me. You know that you were meant to have children because God created you as a woman. Trust Him to bring the right man into your life if it isnt this boyfriend of now. You want the best husband that will be the best father to any children you bear. Better to wait and get the best than to go for it now and have the worst of issues. I am not downing your man now but I am saying dont be in a rush and make sure that you are doing things for YOU and not because everyone else is doing it and looking like they are loving it. You are only seeing the outside or show. You are not seeing the issues that go on behind closed doors.
5)Finally, ask your self are you wife material? I am not talking about cooking and cleaning and love making. Those are learned. Have you been preparing yourself for marriage? Are you willing to sacrifice your life for you husband? Will you die for him it is came down to that? Is this current boyfriend your best friend? If he isn't he needs to be. Do you have issues now with picking up after people, not having enough to eat or even cleaning up puke? A wife helps her husband accomplish his goals in life and by doing that the talents and passions she has are accomplished too. Make sure that you are not into anything that has severe conflict of issues with a significant other. All in all I am saying make sure that you are building your character to be a strong, mature wife that can handle a household and not miss a beat if hell walks through your door. I am not saying be perfect but be a woman that your man can come home to and know that everything is in order, the home is a sanctuary where he can rest and be revived and that you arent someone who will nag or rip his heart out because he didnt do a chore or too. build character and confidence in the area of being a wife. others may not have done it but they will learn the hard way. If you start now you will be prepared for marriage and hopefully have the most awesome wedding day you are looking forward to.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (5 September 2007):
I think there are only so many days in your life. No situation is perfect. At this point you are entitled to ask him his intentions. He's no superprize keeping you up in the air over this. Ask questions and decide what you want to do.
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