A
female
age
41-50,
*ups2dups
writes:what to do with an emotional abusive ex-boyfriend?We have been together for 2 1/2 years, before I decided to end the relationship. He has been cheating on me several times, lied about money and his intention towards having a family with me were lies, which I just found out right after I was our baby girl was born. I gave him another chance but I finally had enough when he was never around to help and he constantly lowered my self- esteem by telling me how much better everybody else is.We still see each other from time to time, as I want him to be part of his childs life. But every time we see he blames me for the break up and that he still wants to be with me despite thinking that I'm useless.Pls help I just want to move on!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Oh my, I apologize dear. I read your posting completely wrong. This child that you have is 'you child with this ex'. How on earth did I miss that, a very critical point. Of course, you want this child to have her Father in her life. But I suggest if he can't be nice and respectable to you...you may have to make an arrangement that he pick the child up for visitation in a neutral place (like a relative's home) where you are not exposed to him, yourself. You both have way too much 'bad baggage' between you and frankly, I am worried as to what the adverse effects this will have on your child as he gets older and recognizes the volatility of your relationship with her Father. Allow the child to be in his life, but take yourself completely out of it...good luck hun
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): You can move on, dear. It's called the power of choice. Either you say 'enough of this crap' and you be strong and make sure there is zero contact or you be passive and tolerate his verbals lobs. But these lobs...are causing you pain and he is attacking you once again. No one should put up with that. I know you love his child. But if you aren't prepared to find a way, to see the child without him, then you have to make a complete break from this whole family. It's likely the child has a Mother and a loving extended family support system. The child will be fine and will be able to carry on without you. This is life...and we all have to make tough choices to survive and remain healthy and happy ourselves. Losing complete contact with him, means giving up the child. This is the sad, sorry fallout of being involved in the life of a man, who abused you, who had a kid. So choose what is best for you and understand that choosing what’s best does not mean you have to always sacrifice yourself for others and tolerate further abuse. Good luck, dear and take care of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Would you let one of your friends screw you over like this? He will never make your life happy or better, just stressful and dissapointing. Don't let guys play emotional games with you.
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female
reader, Gio  +, writes (6 June 2008):
Hi,
It is right for you to want your baby to have her father in her life. Next time you see him and he blames you for the break up, or tries to belittle you, tell him that he is entitled to his opinions, but that you have your own. And, calmly, change the subject. Seems to me that the useless one is him. There are people who are so ignorant, that the only way they find to feed their ego is by putting others down. That is the weapon of the weak. Don't allow his words to affect you, you are well above him!
You will, I am sure, find someone who will value and respect you. Just be patient :)
All the best
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Hi,
You have done the hard bit so dont go back. Its unlikely that he would change as I think you already know. Really it doesnt matter what he blames you for, you know the truth and thats all that counts.
It seem's to me he is still trying to minipulate you, so dont let him. Tell him he can see his child, but you dont want to talk about the past. I think from your post you are better off without him. If he really thought so much of you, he would have at least tried to show some improvement.
Take care X
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