A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year, we've lived together 9 of those months. We have been friends for 10 years, so we know each other very well.3 months ago, he broke up with me, and because he pays all the bills, asked me to move out. I went home to my family for a short while, before deciding to fight for my man, realising he needed an ego stroke and was feeling neglected emotionally by me. We talked, we both got emotional, and things have been great since then.Obviously we've had arguements, but they've always been constructive.Last night, we went out with family and friends. Had a great night, got quite drunk, and ended up having an arguement. I admitted I was wrong, he made a comment about my job which I took the wrong way, and I wouldn't let it lie. It ended up with him, again, walking out, with the assumption I would again have to move out.This is my boyfriend's way, when the going gets tough, when things get too much, he walks away.We have an amazing relationship, we get along so well, sex is great, etc etc.But when its bad, I just can't trust him not to walk away and kick me out. I feel insecure in the way that he holds the power over my home.We talked this morning when he came back from his parent's house, where he'd gone last night. he said he still felt the same, that I have crushed the love he had for me. But it also came out that he is feeling insecure about my first serious boyfriend, who I unfortunately still have contact with because I work at his family's company. There are no feelings from either side, it ended 5-6 years ago, but my boyfriend is convinced his family are trying to get us back together. Which is very far from the truth, my ex is settled with a girl who is having his baby.He also has a problem with my job in the fact that it is in a club, and he has seen guys make moves on me - totally deflected by myself though, I am fiercelt faithful to my boyfriend, and haven't even so much as looked at another guy in that way.I think this is the real reason for the arguement last night, I felt provoked by my boyfriend and stupidly took the bait. He's now blaming it on me.I love him, and he loves me. Like I've said, when it's good, its great, and the bad times come along once in a blue moon. But the bad times are horrible, he's hot headed, and stubborn.What do I do? He's now out of the country for 10 days working, so we both have time to think. But I know he will be stewing, thinking in his head about me at work, my ex around, guys coming onto me, and it will wind him up.Do I let him come to me? Do I go to him? I don't want to grovel but I want to fix this and whatever his insecurities are. I don't want to play games, or issue ultimatums or anything.
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at work, broke up, crush, drunk, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): I have experienced the same thing....but instead of kicking me out, he fled. each and every time we had a conflict. you have to decide what you want for yourself. Do you want a relationship where you have to deal with his need to withdraw from the relationship? thats what my counselor asked me...and my answer was No. I dont want that. I wanted someone who wanted the relationship as much as I did, who wasnt willing to throw it away. My advice,find someone who is willing to do some of the emmotional work in the relationship. who needs a one sided relationship!
A
male
reader, Bernster  +, writes (7 January 2008):
If you love him, fight for your man.
I'm in the same type of relationship. Everytime things get tough she kicks me out. But we things are good, we're in heaven.
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A
female
reader, alymarshall  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 i think you need to sit down and talk to him no alcohol and just you and him let him know how he is making you feel and then ask him why he feels that this is the only way he can prove his point show him that you will listen to him when he wants to talk and let him know that your not going anywhere and you will be there when he needs you
hope this advise helps good luck x
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A
female
reader, Crisy +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I Definatley think you should let him come to you, then you will find out how much he really wants you. Good luck.
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