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age
36-40,
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writes: I REALLY don't know what to do @ this point. I'd been w/ my boyfriend for about 6 months, and everything was great the first couple of months, and than we started fighting constantly because he thought I cheated on him w/ a friend of mine when I went over there just to hang out. I admittedly did cuddle w/ my friend, but it never went beyond that, and than my BF found out about it 3 weeks later when my friend sent me text messages calling me "sweetie" and "hun" etc. and I tried to hide it from him because I didn't know how he'd react as I'd seen how he was when a guy friend of mine would buy me a drink or something @ a show. And I told him I was going to my "girlfriends" house for the night and ended up sleeping @ my guy friends house as he was too tipsy to drive me home. So I slept on the couch and he slept elsewhere. Anyways, ^that's not my question^ just an explaination of why things might be going the way they are. Everytime we get into a fight, I end up hitting him multiple times because my anger just gets the better of me because he's so stubborn and it seems he doesn't listen to anything I tell him, so it all explodes. He told me yesterday, that he couldn't be w/ me due to my temper and the outcome but told me that we could "still be friends and hang out and in time, we might be able to happen again if he see's that I've changed." I know I have things to work on, "trust issues, anger issues", etc. but he acts like he doesn't have things to work on at all. I just don't know what to do in this situation. I love him and want to be w/ him badly. Also, my friends don't like him due to his behavior @ certain past events. He just gets in these moods where he comes off as creepy and obnoxious @ times. I want to be w/ him, but they don't want him around and have told me that I shouldn't be w/ him either... so I feel that I can't be seen out @ shows w/ him because of what my friends'll think. So I guess this is a multiple question entry...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Teenie, you openly admit in your posting that you 1) cuddled with a guy friend 2) attempted to hide some emails from your bf, involving the words 'sweetie' and 'hun' (from this same guy friend) and 3) told your bf that you were going to a gf's house but stayed at this guy friend's house. Now, this may all be innocent in nature, but plainly your actions here, deeply unsettled your bf. Why? Because relationships need honesty, respect and trust to work. And your actions were telling him, that you could not be fully trusted. And what's with all this lashing out and hitting him? Teenie, we teach children that lashing out is hurtful, disrespectful and wrong. This same rule ought to apply to adults. And as an adult, one should know, we do not physically hurt other people. What's disheartening about what you say is that you offer the standard excuse, which is that 'he drove me too it'. You aren't taking responsibility for your actions. I say that is because, no matter how frustrated one gets, or how angry we get with another person, we do not have the right to hit another person's body, even if it's a smack. You were physically abusing another person and that's why most people, want to run in the other direction, in relationships. Hitting someone is not love..it's all about trying to control him. He has a right to question your actions, and you have a right to explain yourself but...through calm, mature discussions. He also has the right to 'not believe you'. That's his right. But to get so frustrated that he won't see things your way, is stating you have 'control' issues. And that you are a person who lacks self-retraint from lashing out. Let this bf of yours have some space. He needs a break to get his thoughts straight and recover. There is nothing you can do to make him love you or want to be with you. I suggest, if you get that frustrated with him, that you lose it, you could use some help, dealing with your anger. Anger management; counselling is needed. Good luck, and take care
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 Firstly it's up to you wheather or not you choose to be with this man, not your friends. Having a break could be the best thing for you both, so that you can work out your seperate issues before working on the ones you have together. He needs to get help for his jelousy but you really need to get some help in managing your anger. How would you feel reading your problem if it was a woman being hit by a man? I bet you'd be appauled. Work on improving yourselves seperatly and if you still think you should be together, get some relationship counselling. Good luck x
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