A
female
age
51-59,
*tense
writes:I have been in a relationship for 10 years. We finally planned to marry. He works out of town for weeks at a time then comes home for a week. I have caught him several times on porn sites and webcamming on adult sites. He says he's not physically cheating on me but, I don't know. Am I being paranoid or is there a chance he's been with other women? I don't want to get married and then find out. What should I do?
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female
reader, desperate housewife  +, writes (17 May 2009):
Well my dear, you're lucky that you've got to find this out before marriage! You seriously need to talk to him before you tie the knot, otherwise you'll end up with alot of complications. Make a list of things that are bothring you, like when did he first start veiwing these sites, what got him into it and anything else that you feel is appropriate. Maybe he got mixed up with wrong crowd while he was away. Men in general tend to do these stupid things and think it's ok. But it's not. Did he try to hide it from you when you first found out? Communication is very important and this is the first test for you before you jump into the deep end. I wish you all the luck in the world and please let me know how you get on!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): hi, this man is bullshitting you. he is cheating and cheating is not only sexual. please read other posts here that will give you an indication.
i am glad you are questioning all this before marrying him. too many people get married hoping to change their spouses. you cannot change him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Well, I don't know if he has been seeing other women. But my concern here is the fact that you are worried about this, and he is clearly being very casual about it. He didn't exactly put your mind at ease by saying he is not physically cheating, did he?
I think you need to explain to him that what he is doing is bothering you, and find out why he is on these sites. You don't seem to trust him, which is understandable at the moment. Has he ever given you reason to question his loyalty before, or is this a new occurence? If this is a new thing, then it could be harmless. Or he might be having doubts about getting married. Either way, I think a serious talk is in order. I don't think it would be a good idea to marry him at the moment if you are feeling like you can't trust him.
Good luck, and I hope it works out okay for you. x
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