A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Every time I visit my boyfriend, and then go home, he says I don't love him, I abandoned him, and starts acting like a jerk, being critical, not calling, or answering the phone for weeks on end, etc. So much drama. And somehow we get back to talking again, and he admits he has abandonment issues, and the last time he did this, he told me we were WAY past that stage and he wouldn't do that to me anymore. But he did it again! "If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me". :( What the heck is going on? We live 4 hours apart. It's not like I cant go back and see him, but he throws a gigantic mantrum that lasts for weeks at a time each time, being critical of me, and tells me I am drama. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Thanks, guys! Yeah, I'm having maaaaaaaajor doubts. I highly doubt things will work out, or that I'll get back together with him at all.
The biggest things that I've seen are the fact that he's been married 3 times and has had many short-lived relationships, and some stories about them all, how nothing is his fault, it's all them, they were all either abusive or psycho or left him.
Also, right as he started not calling or speaking to me, he called me once and he mentioned a cute woman he saw at the park, randomly, and when I questioned it, he told me, "Love isn't jealous". I asked him how would he feel if I started talking about some "cute guy", he said he wouldn't care. Then I asked if zI flirted right in front of his face, how would that make him feel. He said "well, I'd just think you might need to get to know him better, spend some time with him".
Then he told me he didn't want a long distance relationship (even tho HE started it!) because he didn't know what I was doing and couldn't see my face. I told him that he can read my facebook and see that I'm not some psycho woman, I have true friends...and since I came back I haven't been able to go back down because I had an injury I have been healing from, so I also mentioned that I couldn't be doing anything because I cant even drive with the medictions. (Which you could plainly see on my facebook all my friends saying, "we miss you, get well soon!"....and I also mentioned that Im with my family here 24/7, to which he replied, laughing snidely, "Well, I bet they love that". Then the next day he wrote me a letter saying he was sorry, but I "commando attack people verbally and hold them hostage".
Even when I was with him, he was starting to "correct" me quite often. He told me his correction is my salvation from God, and that he feels he can no longer be "honest" with me because I will take offense, and he can't take "teenage drama".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): The guy has major issues. He will always have them, you can't fix them and this behaviour will just continue. Personally I couldn't put up with that and would walk away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): if you love the guy, then the two of you can try to figure this out. my wife has these issues, she can get that feeling if I just get quiet. but, she is worth it. it has taken us years and hard work with professional help as well.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 January 2012):
To be honest, I'd dump this guy. He sounds like he has some 'issues' that need to be seriously dealt with. He sounds far too needy and controlling, and a man who does love you doesn't blame you when you have to go back home.
I think you're better off without this guy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 Turn the tables "If YOU loved ME you would not say these things"
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