A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been with my partner for seven years, we have a four year old child together. We have a very rocky relationship and constantly argue and I am very unhappy and he is too. I have tried to make this relationship work for two years now and it just won't work. Everytime I do pack my bags and leave, I always get called back as he tries to commit suicide or rings the ambulance, he knows I don't love him anymore and he doesn't love me anymore, so I don't understand why everytime I leave and try to get on with my life, he tries to top himself, and then I go straight back to him because I'm worried he will do it again if I don't go back. I understand that people have their own demons and some people see suicide as the only way out, but personally I think he is being very selfish as what will I tell my son if he did die? It would leave him without his daddy, and I don't think he is commiting suicide because he is depressed, he is doing it to punish me everytime I leave. Since he has tried topping himself he has put all the blame on me saying "its all your fault that I tried topping myself" and he said he's sure other people would agree, but most people I have spoke to think this was a selfish act. In a way I was forced to come back to him because when he tried commiting suicide, my parents said that I should go home to look after him and that if I didn't go back to him I would be cruel not to. My parents won't accept that I don't love him anymore, and he doesn't even love me. I just want some advice and peoples opinions on this topic, am I the selfish one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): I will tell you what I did in the same type of situation but this is not to say you should do the same. (No kids involved here)My first husband kept harassing, stalking and calling after we separated. The last time we talked he came to my house (I was living with my parents) and I went outside to sit in the car while he tried to talk me into coming back. When he finally realized it was going nowhere he said "I'm going to drive off the river bridge on the way home". I told him to drive off the SOB and got out of the car and went inside.I've got to tell you I did not sleep at all that night I was so scared he would do it but guess what, he didn't and he didn't come around any more either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Some very good advice here. I would take it!I was in the same situation and he never followed through. I broke up with him 30 times!!!! I needed the advice here, please take it now.His therapist who he went to to convince her and me that I was crazy wanted to work on his control issues! He wouldn't go back....We are over with finally and guess what, he is still alive.If it helps you feel better tell one of his close friends, like I did. It helped me. Then he's taken care of.He acted like a total jerk because he knew my puppy love in high school committed suicide and I take this seriously, as anyone would. What a terrible thing to threaten. Run, run, run.The only thing that worked for me was no contact. Threatening a restraining order twice did not work!Good luck, you'll need it. And I'm sorry to say people in real life are of no help. Very few unless they've been through something like it.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 It's not you it's his warped idea of reality. Anyone that threatens to take his own life if you do x,y or z is irational and needs help in ways you can't provide. You may even be at risk by staying with this loser. He apparently views death as some sort of solution to something. It's only a matter of time before that twisted belief system morphs into seeing your death as being a way out. Please take care of yourself. If you leave and he does to himself what he says he'll do(which most idiots like him don't) then it would NOT be your fault, in fact in may save your life. If I sound too meladramatic,I appologize but it's too close to being a crazy storyline for a 25-cent novel to ignore.
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male
reader, devont +, writes (12 August 2014):
 Everyone has given you sound advice. This man is emotionally blackmailing you, get out of this controlling relationship as soon as you can. Let him make threats, I really doubt he will follow through... especially as he hasn't before and has even phoned the ambulance himself. That doesn't sound like someone who is actually suicidal, that sounds like someone who is attention seeking.
This isn't your fault. He IS being selfish. If he does try it, don't go back to him or look after him. If he wants to make that decision, fine, but it doesn't involve you.
All the best
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 Oh my, I fully agree with Cerberus.
He may put it kind of bluntly.. BUT he is speaking the truth.
YOU can not let this man manipulate you into a life of misery. He is miserable and he wants you down in the gutter with him.
For your CHILD'S sake, YOU need to get your ducks in a row and get out. That means getting a job that can support you, a place to live, Child maintenance and no contact with the ex. Find a mediator (maybe through Child maintenance services) so he can PERHAPS have supervised visits - which might NOT be a good idea till he get himself some help. Can you imagine how this will effect your son?
That fact that he hasn't killed himself yet, just "tried" means he knows exactly how far to go to control you.
Here are some website - read up on them and see if you can find strength to leave.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicide-supporting-someone-else/#.U-otMPl440c
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/helping-others.aspx
Depression hurts. But it doesn't JUST hurt the person WITH the depression, it hurts everyone around them. HE needs to HELP himself and GET help for the depression, dragging you down WITH him is not a way to "fix" it.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (12 August 2014):
 You need to take control of the situation. Stop letting this man rule your life by his threats. If a person wants to commit suicide they are going to do it, they will find a way. That is THEIR decision, no one else's. How long are you going to let this guy keep pulling this? Can't you see he is manipulating you? You are not put into this world to make sure he is happy. He needs to find that happiness from within himself. If he can't, that's not your problem. Tell him he needs to find a good counselor/psychiatrist, wish him well and end things. Period. What he chooses to do after that is no longer your problem.
I have extreme compassion for people who are depressed and really struggling with the demons that make them feel they have nothing to live for. An incredibly talented funny man took his life yesterday (Robin Williams) even with everything that he had going for himself..it wasn't enough for him to keep on living. That is incredibly sad. But your boyfriend?? He's playing mind games. End them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): Your parents are idiots and your "boyfriend" is a prick.
Know what I said to an ex who threatened the same thing if I left her? "Really? I'm dumping you and want you out of my life, and you somehow think permanently removing yourself from my life would somehow upset me? Do what you want, dead or alive I want nothing more to do with you."
It's just manipulation, OP. No one "attempts" suicide, they either do it or they don't, an attempt is not a real thing. For some it's a cry for help, for others it's a last ditch emotional manipulation and in that way is completely cruel.
OP just dump him, if he threatens that shit again tell him you don't care that if he's that much of an asshole and that cruel that he'll deny his own kid a father because you won't be with him then you'll have no reason to feel bad if he actually did go.
OP suicide is the last decision a person makes, it's their decision and no one else's fault. No matter what the reason someone does it, at the end it's their decision alone.
Call me cruel, OP, and this is a very harsh point of view but in my mind him killing himself is kind of not a bad result here purely from a selfish viewpoint because it no longer means he's in your life and it means he can't ruin your kid by teaching him to be a manipulative little dick like his father.
I'm not wishing he does this, I hope he sees sense and stops being a prick but you know what? I see no negatives in him removing himself from your life if he chooses to do it that way. You tell your son daddy's in heaven looking down on you and loves you very much and that's that.
OP your son comes first, you can't let some false notion of guilt or that it would somehow be your fault if he did it stop you removing your son from a toxic relationship with an absolute prick of a man.
Walk, OP, he won't go through with it it all, he may do the fake cry for help thing again, but you just warn his family members he may do something stupid and you let them deal with him. Do not play this game, if he messages you about him harming himself call his family and leave it at that.
My attitude with that ex was simple, and while a lot of people think it's a nasty attitude it was effective because she stopped being an idiot and moved on, for threatening to hurt her entire family by killing herself she became the ultimate bitch and to me her life then is meaningless to me, so her doing it would not only not bother me, it'd mean she couldn't bother me anymore. I saw nothing bad in it at all, if she's that evil then the world is better off without her.
Of course I never, ever put it to her like that. The above quote is exactly how I put it. I made it clear to her that it wouldn't hurt me, and knowing that it wouldn't kind of killed it as a manipulation so she didn't continue.
Just to make it clear, that's not my attitude to people who genuinely commit suicide, I've had people very close to me do it but it's definitely my attitude towards wasters who use such a very serious emotional manipulation. One less asshole in the world, I see nothing "tragic" about that.
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