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age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: I am approaching becoming a freshman in high school where I will know absolutely nobody beforehand . This in itself is extremely stressful but on top of that, I am someone who has recently come out as gay. And I don't know how the school is on that sort of topic. Im not sure if the staff is homophobic or not and I have no clue if the students are mostly accepting or not. Its a relatively small school in case that is needed information, and a charter school. I have a lot of anxiety about not only making friends and normal stressy stuff but how to tell if its safe to be out in this school. I need tips and advice on both things. On the topic of friend making, im kind of annoying and sometimes can be extremely rude without realising it and people generally dislike me what should I do how do I make friends? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): Omg I feel the whole treatment thing I am going to a out zone school which not a single one of my close friends are going to. But high school is full of gay/bi/les you will find your place just wait. Half of my friends are. To be honest gay/bin/les are a lot more fun then straight people. Some people are looking for gay/bin/les friends. Plus my school has clubs for gay/ bin/les which awesome but join club I'm iam. Being in a cloud with open u up to more people then just classmate. MAKE FRIENDS WITH CLASSMATES VERY IMPORTANT. Hop I help fellow freshman
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): I'm not quite sure about all the insults tossed at Americans by one of the uncles, but you live in the United States; and depending on your school, just be careful who you come out to.
You don't attend school in Ireland, but you're a girl, a person and a student. Not just gay. You don't have to live in fear, but you do have to be discreet about offering very personal information about yourself to people you don't know very well.
I will be careful telling you how to present your orientation to strangers; because I do live in the USA, and will not use this site to throw insults at other cultures and countries.
That isn't what we're here for. In fact, it wasn't what you asked. It is safe if you're careful who you tell and how much you trust people. No matter where in the world you may live.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I know a LOT of High Schools have LGBT groups. Not sure if yours do. IT doesn't mean that all that join the group ARE gay, just that they support it.
I'm (like Cerberus) from Europe so this whole "coming out" for kids and young adults kind of surprises me.
YOUR sexuality is YOURS. And it's YOUR business. You don't need to walk around with a label over your head. Just go, and make friends.
And remember if you are looking to date, DO NOT go for the OBVIOUSLY straight girls. That will get you in a lot more hot water then anything else.
YOU are still YOU, gay or straight or pansexual or bi-sexual or asexual. What you prefer sexually is just a SMALL part of who you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): OP if you're a femme then only your friends need know. While I completely disagree that being openly gay is any kind of "display" of sexuality (it's not like you'll be eating pussy in class) I'm Irish and being gay is not a thing here, we literally don't care and while there'll always be assholes who use it to abuse people it's mostly fine.
OP I've been teaching in our version of high school for a few years now. The only time being out is relevant is when you want to date a class mate, or if you're being bullied for being gay and of course if you're very butch then there's just no way of hiding it without lying.
Now I haven't taught in America (too much emphasis on learning to be a fervent patriot and compete with everyone over everything), but frankly American teens sound like ignorant dicks with access to guns, and fat parents who see an American flag and weep, a bad mix. I kind of feel odd advising someone of how to act in a school environment that requires armed guards to protect the students like some kind of third-world warzone. Maybe the other two posters are right and you should just cower in fear and keep your mouth shut until you make it through your prejudiced, idiotic school system.
That said I grew up being the different one in school, for me it was choice. Long hair, rocker in a school full of fools that somehow thought having long hair meant I wanted to be a woman. Bullying was only a problem until I fought back, even though I lost I hurt the guy pretty badly and he didn't do it again. In your country the gun factor, wanker parents who think their kids are angels no matter what and an innate need to persecute those that are different you're probably best off making a nice group of friends with some guys and girls who are not afraid to stand up for themselves.
OP as a teacher I can tell you it's not important that people know you're gay, the only person you need acceptance from is yourself. If you have that then it's not important for others to know besides the dating thing of course. Just don't be afraid of being gay either, if someone asks I see no need to lie. OP when you show no interest in the guys who ask you out, conversations about sucking dicks and are caught checking out some tasty cheerleader ass people are going to figure it out for themselves so don't be afraid to let those who want to know, know that you're proud of who you are, and those that try to abuse you? Well take no shit. Victims are people who are afraid, people who stay quiet and don't fight back.
As far as making friends is concerned you'll make friends by using your talents to help others and by seeking help from others. I'm brilliant at history and analysis, so I always helped classmates with that kind of stuff, fairly crap at complex maths stuff so I got help from others on that, and being different I always found my niche with goths, rockers, gays, stoners, skaters etc. The people who dared to be different and stood out.
OP you're not just a gay person, you're also a nerd or maybe you love sports and are a jock, maybe you like indoe and dress like hipster or maybe you love comics, VG's and sci-fi and are a geek. There will be things you can connect with others, similar interests, clubs you can join.
Being a good friend is not about the saying stuff it's about what you do for people, I have the most sarcastic, smart ass mouth you'll ever hear yet I was able to make friends with most groups because I knew how to be useful and being a smart ass can make people laugh as long as you don't take yourself too seriously.
Most importantly though, OP, learn to love yourself. If you think you're annoying then how can anyone else not? You know? You're not annoying, you just have no tact but guess what being that way is a pretty great because there are lot of us out there just don't intentionally hurt people, and if you do so unintentionally don't be afraid to put your hands up and apologise.
It's just high school, so don't take it too seriously. You will get abuse and that happens all of us. You will face challenges and you feel moments of deep sadness, loneliness and be overloaded with stress too, the most important thing is that you're good to yourself first, you have faith in yourself and you show some faith in others and help them out if you can.
Don't let being out be something you worry about, OP, deal with your sexuality only if it becomes an issue. Until then assume it's not and just be yourself. Just make sure you don't ever go through any tough times alone, turn to your family if you need to and don't be afraid of asking for help. You're not alone in this world even if in school you don't have that big a social group.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): Your age is listed between 13 to 15, and this is pretty young for being "out," as you put it. Keep it to yourself,
because kids are mean enough not knowing anything about you. Just being different is like wearing a target on your back. I write long things. So this might be a lot for you.
You are barely through puberty; so making the announcement you're gay to the public is way too soon for someone your age. People want the world to know as soon as they get the chance; but you're not old enough to handle the consequences. People can be very very nasty. They don't have to have a reason. Just be friendly, and figure-out who you can trust before you tell your secrets. You have probably read a lot, so you think you know all about being gay.
I'm much older, more educated, and I do know who needs to know and who doesn't. I have also had relationships; when you are not even old enough to date! Don't expect being "out" is acceptable to everyone.
People confuse sarcasm and rudeness as being smart, or tough. It's the fastest way I know to get your head bashed in. So you have to watch your temper, what you say, and how you treat other people. That's true, if you are gay or not.
Your behavior toward and around other people helps them decide how to treat you. People like or dislike you according to what you say to them, or if you seem nice. Children can be pretty cruel; because their parents don't always take time to teach them good behavior. Or their parents allow them to believe it's okay to be mean to people who are different. They even see their parents do it.
Parents sometimes say bad things about gay people in-front of their kids; so they think it is okay to mistreat people like us. The staff of schools have the responsibility to protect you, but they are not reliable. They are people too, and sometimes hide how they really feel about you. So you keep private stuff to yourself, behave as best you can; until you know who you can really really trust. Don't be scared. They are human just like you are. Stand-up straight and look everybody in the eyes. Don't avoid smiling.
Making friends isn't really hard. You have to treat people the way you want to be treated. Watch what you say that can hurt their feelings. You know what hurts, because the same things said to you would hurt you too! You have been excusing yourself for being rude and annoying. You want friends, you have to try and stop it. If you are in therapy, you will get help to learn how to keep it under control.
You must immediately report any form of bullying or mistreatment from kids (or staff) to your parents. If kids bother you, tell your teachers, and school counselors. ALWAYS tell your parents. They are the ones responsible for protecting you above everyone else on this earth. It's not squealing, it's defending yourself.
Telling your friends you are gay is brave, but very risky. On top of that, you know you are rude and possibly annoying. Have you been treated by a doctor, or are you in therapy for any kind of social disorder? You may need to also ask your therapist what is best for you to do.
There are older people who are gay and unable to deal with cruelty from people. So we have to be careful with whom we share private things about ourselves. At your age you may know you are gay, but you are not sure completely until you are much older; and understand more things about sex and your relationships with other people. I don't argue with European kids; because they feel more open about things than do American kids. The question is, if they can handle the meanness? All people are not nice to gay people, and don't care if you're just a kid.
Don't walk around with a frown on your face. If someone smiles or says hi, smile and say hi back. Try not to stand-off by yourself too much. Walk over and say hello to friendly looking kids. Some will not listen to this advice; but those who do, learn it is good advice. Avoid dark and scary clothing and heavy makeup. That makes you a target.
You have a right to dress any way you want; but wait until everyone knows more about you before you wear things that draw attention to you, if you shy away and are not friendly to people.
Stand-up for yourself when bullied. Don't offer them a lot of arguments. Just walkaway when you can. Sometimes having just one good friend is all you need. Don't worry about being popular. Some are, and some aren't. People who are kind have lots of friends. Learn to be kind, and you will have lots of good friends. You still can't trust everyone to tell your biggest secrets. You will learn.
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