A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy have known each other for a year. We started off on the relationship side of things, which later turned to friendship as things weren't working out the way we planned. We meet up every couple of months, but everytime we do, there's an awkward silence and we end up having sex, which neither of us have a problem with. The trouble i've got, is that i've never actually seen him as a friend. I've always seen him as more of a boyfriend figure, but he doesn't want anymore than to be friends. Yet I don't understand why he has sex with me if this is all he wants? It's not just meaningless sex either, it's very intimate. But now I feel this has gone on for too long, and that I need to ask him what exactly is going on between us, but the thing is, I think that if I explain exactly how I feel that I might scare him off, and lose him as a friend, which I really don't want.What do I say to him..?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Questions like this really piss me off. Not so much the question but the answers.
How is this guy using this girl?
Is he lying to her? Is he leading her on? Just by having sex with her, at a point when the girl even says that is the understanding they've reached?
Right now, SHE is really the only one causing their partner to believe something that's not true - that she's okay with just being a fuck buddy and not a relationship. You people want to hold him accountable for something that he didn't promise and she hasn't even asked him for.
Sheesh. I'm not actually pissed at the girl here, but get a grip.
She's responsible for her own actions. She needs to face up to what's happening, tell him what she really wants from this, probably not get it, and then make the step herself to break things off. I'm sorry but that's part of being an adult.
Men are not mind readers. Women need to either give them the right to overrule anything women ever say, or else women need to stop trying to hold men accountable for reading women's minds whenever it's conventient for them. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Don't see him any more. Of course he likes sex! It feels great! No responsibility on top of that! Every guy's dream! That doesn't mean he wants to be your bf. Never has, never will. I've met many of the type, that have stated that all they care about is to get into a woman's panties. Think about it. If he becomes your bf, he is stuck with you! He doesn't want that. He wants a little bit of you, and a little bit of the next girl, and the next girl, and...so on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Sorry hun, but this guy is using you. Men find women who are mentaly stimulating and interesting to have relationships with. Girls that they have sex with and don't talk to, are fuck buddies
One of the main differences between men and women is this........women's vajayjays are connected to their heart, men's penis's are connected to their brain. You cannot get to a man's heart through his penis. You can't change this, it's how he is wired.
I suggest you follow aunt les's advice and try to get him to hang out with you and make yourself an interesting person to talk to, find out what he likes and make it your business, have some interests of your own to talk about. But this business of having sex with him will get you absolutely nowhere.
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A
female
reader, les  +, writes (7 August 2008):
Well, I dont think you should be afraid of losing him as a friend, but you guys don't really sounds like you're friends..
You say that there's an awkward silence and that you end up having sex. Where do you guys go.. as friends? Do you go over to his place, does he come over to your place? I mean, it just sounds like both of you are setting yourselves up for this situation to happen.
If you were truly going to be hanging out as friends.. why dont you go to the movies, to a restaurant, a bar, or somewhere else where you'll be forced to talk AND you can't have sex. Maybe once the possibility of that is ruled out, then you guys can build up a friendship.
The other thing is, just because he doesn't want to be your boyfriend doesn't mean he wont have sex with you. This is the perfect situation for him - you're not really friends, so he doesnt have to work at that. You're not dating so he doesnt have to work at that either. And he's getting laid for doing absolutely nothing. Think about it.. I've been in the same position as you where I thought that if I play along with whatever the guy wants/put out, eventually he'll take me seriously. It doesnt really work that way.. As for what to say to him, dont say anything, start hanging out like I suggested above. If he continues to hang out with you after he realizes that sex is off the table, then you'll know he's actually interested in being friends.
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