A
male
age
36-40,
*teven 25206542
writes:Every time I masturbate or have sex I always think of my ex girlfriend i mean this is terrible and its destroying my life i mean i just dont know what to do i am not on speaking terms with my x so i can't even tell her to try to get it out my head
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i am in the same situation as you and i am ashamed of myself from doing that.
currently i am finding alternative solutions to this problem like playing the guitar which works sometimes.
A
male
reader, steven 25206542 +, writes (24 February 2008):
steven 25206542 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank u everyone : )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): I think you may have some inresolved issues with your ex. Maybe you are still in love with her?? Why did you break up? You should try and contact her and see how she is. if she's pleased to hear from you then take it from there. Deep down I think that you would really like to get back with her, so just make that call to put your mind at rest. If she's not interested you will have closure and be able to get on with your life, but who knows maybe she is missing you too.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (1 June 2007):
 It's natural to never be completely over your ex. I think the best thing you can do is try to become friendly, and then slowly work your way up from there. If you two are willing to forgive each other over time, everything will work out. Try being the one to call, or go up and say something. Just be kind...
DV1
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A
female
reader, Jenny Wren +, writes (1 June 2007):
 Don't let it ruin your life - its only thoughts, and nobody can read your mind...
The trouble with things that we don't want to think about is that the more we worry about not thinking about them, the more we think about them. If I was to ask you NOT to think about orange rabbits, what would keep popping up in your head? (orange rabbits of course). The way to cope with this is when the thought enters your mind, just allow it to flow through, and imagine it flowing out again, but don't force it (this is how people who meditate deal with intrusive thoughts). Eventually the thoughts will diminish, but you will probably need something else to replace them, as the majority of men do use visual imagery to enhance or enable their sexual experience.
If sex with your ex was particularly good, and this is why you think of her, perhaps you could try to spice up your current relationship, so that you will have some recent sexy memories/images to take the place of those involving your ex.
I would advise NOT telling your ex or your current partner, as this can only lead to problems, and will not make the thoughts go away (unless, of course, you want to get back with your ex, which is a completely different matter).
Remember, everyone fantasizes during sex - just enjoy it and don't feel guilty.
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