A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Every time he has any sort of grievance my boyfriend goes round to his mums s who is on her own and lives near him. Don't get me wrong I encourage him to stay close to her but she seems to have a huge influence in his life. I am not sure how to handle this. She has made it quite clear she doesn't want any kind of friendship with me despite my attempts to be spend time with her. She is very strong minded and he seems to be very influenced by her opinion on everything. I have never come across this but it seems she is number one in his life and his backbone in life. He has never been married or lived with anyone. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I think you need to be clear with him about what you want from life (leave mentioning him or the mother out of it).That way he will be forced to start thinking about what he wants from his life and how he sees the two of you in future. For example, you could say "I was thinking a year from now I would really love to ..have achieved well in..""I also would like to have more time to spend with you on the weekends." Just basic stuff like that to test the waters.Then separately ask him, why his mother is shy. Yes use the word shy as it doesn't sound like anything other than she doesn't like change, not that she doesn't like you.She's probably lonely as well and knows her son won't leave her because he is family.If you actually want a relationship with this guy to work, you will have to put more effort in :/ sigh, to making her feel comfortable with you. Don't give up - be bright and persistant over several months and try and take her small things like home made stuff she will like, but not so much that she feels she has to reciprocate, invite her out occasionally to old fashioned outings like to a local garden. These are the things that woman like her at her age will appreciate.
A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Countless advice columns advise ladies not to date mommy's boys, and now you know why. There is nothing you can do to fix this situation. And given your age, you may want to consider moving on before it is too late.
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