A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23-year-old man with Asperger's syndrome.My social skills are good [not being boastful], I am told, but I consider them to be average.Recently I've started to go to a particular gay bar in my local city during the daytime in an attempt at making new friends, as I did have a gay friend once in university 4 years ago who was funny, kind, gentle and a proper friend, but since then I haven't really had many proper friends. I've never relly had any true friends, only ever hangers-on and (worse) freeloaders, let alone a girlfriend.Life is good in other respects, I have a voluntary job in an abandoned animal centre, but the people who work there are much older than me, and although I can relate to them, it would be of benefit to me if I could relate to people my own age, which I've tried and I'm not very good at, but want to get better at.I sometimes feel down when not in work because of my lack of social skills with people my own age, I can only ever get on with people younger or older than me.All help is appreciated and sorry for the length of this!A.N. Other
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I have gay friends and have been to gay bars as well, although I don't go there to meet new friends. I go to hand out with ones I already have.
If you feel comfortable at a gay bar, continue going. I simply find I enjoy the people I meet when doing what I love more than not.
The truth is your parents, while loving and supportive people who have only your best interests at heart, and who will usually be wiser (because they are older), are not always right. There are some things you will know about yourself better than anyone else.
You are a bright young man (as evidenced by your posts) and likley are too bright and mature for the average 23 year old male.
Social skills are a definite asset in life and I encourage you to continue to work on them. While you do, it is my very humble opinion that you do so with people of your choosing, and do not limit yourself to only specific groups.
Clubs, groups and teams are only one door you can walk through. It can be a start. The worst thing about them is that if you do not make long-lasting friendships, you are having fun and socializing with people.
You will develop those skills which will help you to make those good friends.
So in the end, its an option with no negative side effects.
A
male
reader, ANOtherinLiverpool +, writes (9 September 2009):
As the not-logged in individual who wrote this, I went to gay bars/clubs simply because I have got on well enough with gay people due to my gay friend having a lot of friends who were gay as well. Apart from my family, social skills are a struggle - apart from being with gay men or with women (straight/lesbian/whatever).It's my parents who've been trying to get me to spend more time with people my own age, and I've been confused as to how to live my life.I could join a club, but never did in university as I was too interested in either going the library and working that it consumed all my time (apart from eating/personal hygiene/travelling to and from uni and lectures).I need to get better at social skills, I don't mind being different but I do worry sometimes that I could get better at them.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (9 September 2009):
Some of us can relate better with people in our age group and some of us can't, regardless of any "disorder" or "condition" or lack thereof.
It may be that you are better suited to having more mature friends because you are advanced beyond the average maturity of your peers. This is not uncommon and doesn't need to leave you lonely.
Gay people go to gay bars to socialize with gay people. Their goal is not to make straight friends (at least not while they are there).
Why not join a group or club that relates to something you enjoy? There, you are more likely to meet like-minded friends you can relate to.
As long as you enjoy them, they enjoy you, and you can socialize with them, does it matter what age they are?
Good luck and keep us up to date!
:-)
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Hey, you people are special! If you like reading, try 'Look Me In The Eye' by John Elder Robison. It gave me a whole new insight into people with Aspergers Syndrome. I have a friend with a son who has the disorder,(though 'disorder' doesn't seem the right word to describe it to me, people who have it seem to have superior intelligence and a way of perceiving the world that just happens to be different from most others), and that's not a disorder if you ask me. Anyway, the world would be a dull place if we all saw things through the same eyes.
If you do read the book and enjoy it Robison's brother is a popular American writer too, (Augusten Burroughs, voted one of the funniest men in America), and he wrote something called 'Running With Scissors', plus a follow up called 'Possible Side Effects', both books about their family life. Just remember.... you're OK, it's everyone else that is weird! X
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