A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and i have dated for over 2 years now, and in the begginning it was awesome we couldn't keep our hands off each other. the problem is she was "virgin". i enjoyed the stuff we did instead , anal is awesome. but ever since she lost her virginity its like a switch flipped, she went from the girl who loves anal and giving head to being frigid and im lucky we have sex rarely. is this normal and is there any hope of bringing back what we had when we first started dating.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Ahh, I had a feeling that that was the case.
There are a few things you can do to overcome her fesr snd anxiety (and YOURS too, it sounds like!)
First, go back to what you were doing before the intercourse. Re-establish the fun parts about getting physical without the pressure of performance.
Second, GO SLOW! If you broke all the way through her hymen, that will eventually heal and your GF will not hurt like that again. Get a *ton* of KY jelly, I'm talking copious amounts, and then the next time you have intercourse, enter her as slowly and as gently as you can. If you're wearing a condom (I'm assuming you are?), put lots of it on your shaft too.
Don't go straight into thrusting like a jackhammer. In fact, I would suggest when you enter her, remain motionless for several seconds before slowly gliding in and out.
Third, I don't know if the two of you have a sense of humor, but lighten up the event! I'm not talking about telling knock knock jokes or something, just lighten the situation. Laugh about your own problems...disarm the anxiety.
Fourth, this is something guys forget to do! Shower her with words of love when you're with her when you're leading up to sex! Your words are probably the best foreplay you have! When you're inside, instead of freaking out about whether or not you'll keep it up, tell her how unbelievable she feels and how beautiful she is. Reinforce her positive thinking about the event! It'll also help take your mind off of your own anxiety.
Finally, bring her to orgasm before you even enter her. Go down on her and build a tent and camp there! It's hard to be anxious if you're feeling the flush of recent orgasm. Most of us can come more than once in a single setting if we've truly lost all abandon! A few of us have the rapid multiple orgasms, and many of us have a much shorter "reload" time than you guys do!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Sorry I didn't see your follow-up before posting. First things first get a GOOD lube. Get her close to orgasm before you even attempt penetration again. That way you know she's aroused. set the mood so it's relaxed. Dim lights so she doesn't feel on display, etc.. Then slather on the lube and take it slow. Pay attention to her to see if anything hurts and if it does stop. If you can show her that sex is normally pleasurable and not painful, she will stop being scared to have sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 April 2011):
YouWish is right on. Losing your virginity can be extremely painful. In her mind it's basically this thing that really hurts and gives her nothing in return. Have you tried asking her what's wrong? In most women sex drive is directly proportional to the ease that they orgasm. Is she actually enjoying herself and orgasming when you have sex? Not so much penetration but just in general.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Youwish the first thing is kinda of what happenned when we had sex then i woud never be able to finish as i was so nervous. and of course it was painful her for so she is reluctant to try again with me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2011):
Hold on there.
It could be one of three things. First, many times, intercourse hurts like bloody hell for a woman's first time. She could be in shock over what that entailed. Trust me - if sex hurt you men like crazy the first time, it would take getting used to. I don't know the particulars about your first time. If you became anxious and either didn't come or you had some other issue, she may be taking it personally that it's her.
The other thing it might be is that she could be regretting losing her virginity, which may have nothing to do with you.
Finally, she may simply not like it with you. Sex is sticky, and if the girl isn't deriving pleasure from it, it's just nothing but a bunch of grunting and shoving and having to clean up afterwards.
The telltale sign in my opinion is that if she was into anal with you, then I'm thinking it rules out the third thing.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (20 April 2011):
No, it's not normal. You need to communicate with her to find out what the problem is. It could be anything to not being into you in the same way she used to be, to something physically or emotionally going on with her. Talk with her.
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