A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been exclusive for a few weeks. However, before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend we were friends and then we began dating for about 6 months. I didnt want to get into a relationship right away because when I met him I was just getting out of a 5 year relationship. However even though we didnt have the official label we did everything as couple. I wasnt talking or dating anyone else and I told him that I wasnt comfortable being with him being with other people and then coming to me. So I told him many times that if thats what he wanted then he shouldnt be talking to me. He said no and that in his mind it was like if we were together and that he only wanted to be with me. So you can imagine my surprise when I am sitting at home channel surfing and I see him appear on a dating show!! As soon as I saw him I texted him because i knew he was in class and he said the show as taped about 7 or 8 months ago before we were talking. However he was lying because I saw a tattoo on his arm that he just got about 2 months ago.One of the female conestenst chose him and they made out when he accepts her. I was very upset because even though we werent exclusive he did not tell me about the show and I just cannot get that image of him and that girl out of my head. He is being very apologetic and he insists that the show is all fake and fixed and he was just acting. He says they are told what to do and what to say and they even told him to kiss the girl at the end if he wanted to get paid. But I just dont know what to do I dont trust him anymore but I do love him. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): Why the hell do you think he was avoiding calling it exclusive?
The whole reason for him to stubbornly avoid that label is so that he can cheat on you. If you catch him then he can technically hide behind the undeclared status of the relationship and say he has done no wrong.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 You see,that's the purpose of that "official label ". Once you have it , you are ,if nothing else, entitled to make a big fuss and demand prompt apologies and explanations. It's very debatable that you can do the same without the label.
You were not exclusive , and a less sensitive guy could have told you that what he does when he is out of your sight is not really skin off your nose. Your bf ,at least, has been protective of your hurt feelings.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 May 2010):
You kind of answered your own question. You are not exclusive. that said, this man is a clear user of women, and won't commit anyway, so to be honest I think you'd be better off ending it now. Don't wait around to get hurt. If he was that interested, he would make more of an effort with you. He's not, which means he's just in it to use you. Time to move on.
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