A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in serious need of help/advice, im love two women. The one is my current girlfriend going on 5 years now, we have a great relationsship.The other is my friend, who ive known for about 7 years. She has never been a close/best friend but since she started dating my all-time best friend we have gotten very close.Over the last year ive gotten a small crush on her, then i fell in love with and now im sorry to say that i love her with all my heart, just to be clear ive never acted on any of these emotions because of the damages it would have to all four of us. The last few months there has been small situations where she tocuh my hair, brush against me or make sure she touches my hands in any given situation of course discrete but very obvious to me. When she speaks to other people she keeps eye-contact with me.Of course i cannot say what her feelings tell her, but as you can read i need some advise.A crush i can handle, but i really love her.Even though im in a happy relationsship i cannot stop thinking about her. Please help me forget about "the other woman".
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love reigns!  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I don't believe this is an itch...I genuinely think you love this woman and like you say she is also a long standing friend. This means you probably know more about her and vice versa thn your girlfriend. I also feel that you're playing it safe by staying with your girlfriend because you're happy.
I however believe in 'cape diem' and being fulfilled. I wouldn't advice you to cheat, that would just ruin and degrade whatever relationship you could have with this friend you're in love with.
A man is where he loves not where he lives, You can conform to society's expectation and stay with your girlfriend because she hasn't done any thing bad and you can sacrificed your feelings for hers.
But please bear in mind that right now is cheating because your heart is not truly with her a 100% with her and probably never will be.
We are not suppoed to control how we feel, they are feelings. It is good that as long as your grl frnd is in the dar as to your true heart desiers that you do not act on them which I'm quite sure you won't.
I say follow our heart. An ex of mine stayed with me because he liked me (I prefer to think he felt soor and guilty for me if he left). In the end I saw how much he cared for me and sacrificed his own true fulfillment for my comfort and to spare my feelings. In the end I loved him too mush to not let him go. Even though he was happy and comfortable...I knew we could never grow in fear...Are you following. So regardless of what anyone says you do not owe you life, happiness or fulfillment to anyone for the sake of the past...All roads come to an end and if the signs are clear, it doesn't have to be a dead end, rough end.
I would gently let my partner now how I felt and see what they suggest, making it clear that I won't go if that's what they want...See how they respond and take it from there. If they are negative, unwilling to understand, self focused...etc, then I guess they're just making the decision easier for you, but you can't go on like that.I know this guy that was miserable in his relationship, in denial about that, always looking for a remedy but felt guilty to leave...years on he's there! It's sad to see..and the woman knows deep down but is happy as long as she's not single...but so it is. Follow your heart!
Good on you for taing everything into account and not being a sleazy cheat. I hope you end up happy...You seem to deserve it.
A
male
reader, lovestrucknsad +, writes (10 August 2008):
This is my question, but i wasnt registrered so i cant update the question. Im hoping its ok to write here instead.
i really appreciate all your answers but theres a couple i wish to comment atm. This is a combined comment. ;-D
I can say for sure that i love both of them. As weird as it might sound i really am in a happy relationsship, and this isnt a question about an "itch" or wanting to "jump her bones", and you must understand i would never act on this but its messing me up. Ill try with a description:
"I love everything about her, the way she smiles, the way she laughs, all the beauty in her eyes and the way they sparkle. I want to devote my life to her, just her, love her, when we are apart i miss her, when we are together i glow. I just want to talk with her, hold her just be with her."
This apply to both of them. I know how that sounds, alot of romantic babble but never the less thats how i feel.
And to the anonymous answer, i would never ever cheat and she is offlimits to me and i do not want to "take" my friends girlfriend.
When im spending time my girlfriend im happy to be with her but i miss "the other woman", when im spending time with "the other woman" im happy to be with her but miss my girlfriend.
And bluntasaspoon, im always in control i never act on emotions before thinking long and hard about it, its just this time i feel really bad/sad. Ive been feeling bad about this a long time and havent found a solution this is why i now turn to the www.
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (10 August 2008):
 ok mate u are at the five yr itch. every relationship has it and it usually goes on for about 2-3 yrs. u are now getting to the commitment stage in ur relationship and, being male, u want to go elsewhere. i have got a few mates who have been in this situation as have i. (my lusty crush was an old old mate). one of my mates slept with the crush whilst still with her hubby, the other left his mrs and slept with the crush and me well the first relationship i had lasted 5 yrs and i got the itch to go with someone else. so i did. and believe me it really isnt worth it. at first it was great but then all i could think about was the man i left, so me n the crush split up n i got back with the ex but then he cheated on me with lots of different peeps.
i am now married and have been with him for just over 6 yrs. as i said before i did experience the crush but this time i knew what i was feeling was just me being selfish and wanting something different. all i did was literally blank that person and delt with my feelings. i ignored them whenever they came round and i also left the room if i got a bit uncomfortable. my husband thought that something funny was going on and asked me and i told him he was just over reacting. i did not tell neone what i was feeling and believe it or not i lost all sense of crush ness in a few weeks. now when i look at him it turns my stomach that i ever had a crush on him.
dont mistake it for love!!!! it isnt. and it never ends well when u act on these feelings. trust me on this one please!!!!!!
hope u keep control
bluntasaspoon x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): well first off. that would make a mess of things, cause if you do tell her and she loves you too, then she would be cheating on your alltime bestfriend and you would be cheatin on your girlfriend, try to think of her as offlimits or your cousin or something, picture her as your sister?
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Hate to break it to you mate but if you're 'in love' with another women, you're not in a happy relationship.
If you really love this other chick, you OWE it to your girlfriend to break up with her. It's selfish and callous to stay in a relationship with one woman while you're thinking of another. Maybe you should be single for a while to figure things out.
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