New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login245057 questions, 1084625 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Even though I'm extra careful having unprotected sex, I still worry something might go wrong.

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 December 2008) 17 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I have completely, unprotected sex. We're being really stupid about this (especially me) since I'm already and adult and she's still underage. Condoms are usually a little tight on my penis but, I forgot what the name was, that large condom is just a little bit too big for me, I just don't get it. We decide to do it without protection and I'm often pulling out to make sure no semen is coming out. I heard something about a woman being or not being fertile and that even if a little accident happens when she isn't fertile, she will not get pregnant. She's too young to get pregnancy pill thingies don't know what those are called either, and what is that other pill that you take within 72 hours, how does it work, can I buy it being 18 and over, and about how much does it cost? I need to learn more about the woman being fertile thing, this is all too confusing and even though I'm extra careful having unprotected sex, I still worry something might go wrong.

View related questions: condom, my penis, semen, unprotected sex

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well everyone, I just want to say thanks. I talked to her and she's okay with it that we won't be having any sex until she's 18, at least we won't have unprotected sex if we do. Agreed that the morning pill, or plan B will only be used in case of an emergency. I will also do my homework and try on different types of condoms or maybe I'll go to a clinic and ask for professional advice. All of you have been great, thanks for all of the advice, and the not so.. advices.. Those others were still of some help since it really made me think of what I'm doing. Oh and she's 16 almost 17... -____- again, thanks everyone.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (7 December 2008):

not trying to make this underaged girl look stupid or anything, but if her parents wanted to report you she wouldn't beable to stop them. she can't control the law, she has to except that. and as you are the adult you need to be responsible and tell her you can't sleep with her anymore, not untill she is of age anyway. if you carry on sleeping with her then you are being pretty fudging stupid.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

O_O Thank you, thank you very much for letting me know that, she has told me herself that if her parents would ever try to put me in jail, she wouldn't let them. I would never force her into doing anything, but I am going to use my bigger head next time, if ever -___- that we do something.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008):

Did.. You guys know that he actually can't go to jail for that.. As long as his girlfriend is concious and knows what's going on at the moment and is okay with that happening and does not try stoping him its considered "consensual" as long as she's 16 or older legally she can choose if she wants to have sex. I know this because I worked for an atorney and we had a case where the parents of the minior tried putting her "adult" boyfriend in jail but legally couldn't because the duaghter said it was okay with her and didn't refuse it at any point in time...

Just something I thought you should know..

A "fun fact" if I may say..

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (4 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'm happy to see that you can take your lumps with some grace and dignity. And I soooooo wanted to REALLY SHOUT at you!!! Okay, things are moving in the right direction here, I think, good for you.

The fertility thing. Did you happen to watch that video? It explains in some detail about the timing of things. Generally speaking, I think it's fairly established that the most fertile time for a woman is 14 days after the START of her period, not the end, as I've seen posted somewhere. So the egg gets expelled from the ovaries, makes its way through the Fallopian tubes and shimmies into the uterus. At anywhere along that way, it is ready and waiting to meet up with some sperm. Even a couple leaked out in pre-cum will do.

Notice I said the "most fertile" not the "only fertile". Very key distinction here. Your girlfriend is only 16, and teenaged girls are notorious for having irregular cycles. She could have 'most fertile' days whenever her young and still maturing ovaries feel like popping out an egg. Honey, you have to consider her always fertile.

Go to the drugstore, buy every single kind of condom they have that sounds appropriate, and try them all on. You have to acknowledge that pregnancy seems to be a stiff price for her to pay for you not being diligent enough to get the condoms that work for you. (Like my little pun there? Stiff? Anyhoo...)

I think you just don't like the feel of them and prefer the flesh to flesh contact you get without them. I understand that, but again, it's a risk/benefit ratio, and the risk far outweighs the benefit. In fact the risk is all hers and the benefit is all yours, and not the reverse. So you see how selfish you seemed to be by not finding the right condoms?

So, good followup from you, very good news that you'll wait and you can take that time to do some research. Did you go to the plannedparenthood.org website? They have good, sound, information on fertility and contraception. Also try webmd.com. You may be out of school, but you still have to do your homework.

Take care and for heaven's sake, put her health and safety first, above your physical pleasure. Sorry for that last nag, must be genetic. Good luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Wow guys, you all just opened my eyes. I have alot to think about now which I didn't think of before. She is 16 almost 17, I didn't know about the morning pill until I read about it in this site, someone asking about it. I guess I will take my time trying on different types of condoms, and I'll find out about the female's condom as well. I guess my best decision is to stop until she turns 18, if she loves me, she will wait, I love her so I know myself I will. I'll re-read every single one of the anwers from the uncles and aunts and figure the best solution out for myself and my loved one. Someone did ask if I got sex ed. Answer is no, I never did, unfortunately I was a corrupted child who grew up watching porn since the age of 4, but I recently stopped watching porn because of my girlfriend. I've read a couple of books before about sex so I learned porn wasn't the right thing, and yes, I'm concerned about pre-cum, that's why I pull out very often, but I guess even then an accident can happen. I want to say thanks to everyone, even those who shouted and said some unpleasant things, I understand why you all did, thank you. The advice from everyone has opened a new world of opportunities and choices that will prevent me and my love to screw up our lives. You guys are the best. I still didn't get an answer to one of my questions, what does this fertile thing mean? something about when she can or cannot get pregnant? when she isn't and an accident happens, can she still get pregnant? And how long does this fertility thing start and end?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, pomgirl10 United States +, writes (4 December 2008):

pomgirl10 agony auntSTOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!!

she is lying if she says she cant get the pill anyone can get it at any age and for that matter you could get it for her.I hat eto say this but I hope somthing does happen then you go to jail. how old is this girl anyway does she have parents that care?? GROW UP ACT YOUR AGE!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Becca64 United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2008):

Becca64 agony auntA girl can get the pill at any age. you MUST use SOMETHING!

you ARE being stupid.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2008):

i'm sorry to say this, but man are you stupid!!!

for a start what are you thinking having unprotective sex with a minor. that kinda puts you in the league with the sex offenders. sorry to say that, but if you are having a sexual relationship with a girl who is underage, then that makes her a minor and makes what u r doing pretty illeagal. guys go to prison for that you no. also did you ever think about STD's and pregnancy!?!

it's simply, stop moaning about condoms and use one. the 24 hr pill is only an emergency contraceptive, so should not be used as an every day contraception.

actually just stop sleeping with a minor!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

oh good god.

1. You sound childish and immature.

2. There is no minimum age restriction for the contraceptive pill.

3. Condoms too tight for you are they? hmmmmm.

4. Having sex with an underage girl at your age is DISGUSTING.

5. If you get her pregnant you will almost certainly be convicted of statutory rape or sex with a minor.

6. Your taking a giant risk and at some point your luck will run out ruining your life but mostly hers.

7. Grow up, and stop acting lik a stupid horny teenager.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

this whole thing was hard to read...you're the ADULT...act like one...even if you pull out there's something called pre-cum...

the emergency contraceptive pill costs between $8 and $35 about....that's a lot if you wanna buy a bunch

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (3 December 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntThere is no such thing as being extra careful having unprotected sex. And once again I have to ask, "where the hell are the parents?!!!"

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, babewithbrains United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2008):

babewithbrains agony auntOne would hope that you are really just over 18 and lying about your age.

Did you not have sex ed? We have a sex&drugs&alcohol advice day in yr. 9 and its already being drilled into us...

Pulling out doesn't work - sperm can come out early. Be sensable. If she is too young stop having sex with her! She can't be older than 16 or else she'd go and get herself a pill. You are doing something illegal and you'll get nicked if she gets preggers.

I hope you get your act together and pull up your socks before something dodgy (er) happens.

Jelly

xxx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (3 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntThere's a female condom that she can insert and that will help.

You're really asking for it, aren't you? Underage with no birth control? Yikes, are you sure you're really 22-25?

Okay, go to plannedparenthood.org for extremely detailed and reliable advice on birth control.

And I would strongly advise that you stop doing the unprotected sex thing with an underage girl, do you realize the potential consequences for you both? SOMEONE has to start thinking with the big head!!!! Jeez louise, sorry for the shouting but have you read how many underage teenage girls get worried about and do actually become pregnant? We have tons of posts from them, it DOES happen and it CAN happen to you too.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm

And do NOT think of using the emergency 'morning after pill' as a regular contraception. For starters, it does have side effects. From where I'm sitting, I think I'd pass on those, poor girl if you think this is a good idea.... From the plannedparenthood.org website:

"Nausea and throwing up are the most common side effects, especially when using birth control pills as the morning after pill.

"About half of the women who take birth control pills as emergency contraception feel sick to their stomachs, but only for about 24 hours. Less than 1 out of 5 throw up after taking the pills.

"The risk of nausea and throwing up are much less with Plan B. Less than 1 out of 4 women feel sick when they take Plan B.

"You can use anti-nausea medicine, such as Dramamine or Bonine, one hour before taking emergency contraception if you are concerned about being nauseous. Read the package of the anti-nausea medicine to find out if it has any side effects — some women may feel drowsy. Many women also find it helpful to take the emergency contraception pills with a full stomach.

"Other side effects of the morning after pill may include

"breast tenderness

"irregular bleeding

"dizziness

"headaches

"If you use the morning after pill frequently, it may cause your period to be irregular. Emergency contraception should not be used as a form of ongoing birth control because it is less effective. There are other forms of birth control that are a lot more effective."

------------

And watch this video:

http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html

You'll learn a lot, I did.

There are reasons for these laws about sex with minors. You might have a think about that. And for heaven's sake, use your big head to have that pondering.

Sorry for shouting at you, but you realize how idiotic you're being? You don't know enough about sex to even use the right words, yet you're putting an underage girl at risk of getting pregnant, then facing childbirth or abortion? Get smart first, THEN you can start to think about contemplating even beginning getting near her, preferably after she's of age.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

Do you know how sick you sound. Dhe is underage, she is too young to get pregnant. What are you, a paedophile???

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, just a man United States +, writes (3 December 2008):

OMG!!! stop fucking a minor!!!

ok, that being said, you have opened yourself to criminal prosecution, and depending what state you are in, can mean long prison time.

look, brain child, if you try to go in and buy birth control for your MINOR GF, you are asking for trouble in ways you can not even begin to wrap your head around...really, in most states, a girl can go and get their own birth control, at 15, or 16, years old, and if not, she must have a friend who is 18?(a girl)...unless you are really robbing the cradle, ie; 13 or 14 year old, and you are 18 or over, you have way more problems than gettin a little kid pregnant.

but, you asked for help, and i am in NO WAY IN A POSITION TO JUDGE YOU,

if you get this girl preggers, that is the way you will get busted, and convicted of statutory rape, cuz the DSHS ppl, will want to know who to bill for the thousands of dollars of pre-natal care, and child birth...

""We're being really stupid about this (especially me) since I'm already and adult and she's still underage.""....

dude, just say no to underage pussy....i'm sorry, but when push comes to shove, and her parents come unglued cuz their 14 year old is preggers by an adult, they will come for YOU!!...she will not protect you, she wont be able to, and you know it.

your first night in prison, will be a learning experience, like no other....and if you somehow dodge that bullet, you do not want to be a dad at 18, trust me on this one, ok?

you do not want to be lookin' at this same girl 10 years from now, you are 18!!!!! (trust me on this stuff bro, i had my first kid at 17 years old...)

good luck, and either find a new GF, or stop screwin' this one till she is legal

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

She should go on birth control, it's the pill that she takes once a day. It prevents pregnancy. 72 Hour pill is the "Morning After Pill" it basically kills all the sperm, also preventing pregnancy nicknamed "The Abortion Pill". Condoms are very important, you should try to find your right size. There are many condoms brands out there with many sizes. BTW pulling out doesn't always work. Sometimes men can pre-ejaculate prior to the ejaculation. I'm not sure the cost of these pills, I'm sure if you google it you will find some answers.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Even though I'm extra careful having unprotected sex, I still worry something might go wrong."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0468591000026208!