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female
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*amara
writes: I have been with my boyfriend now for about a year and a half, and I used to be mad about him. I had a personal problem about 3 years ago & I can't bear to be touched by him. I have gone off sex but I really do want to be with him. I'd love to stay with him and have a family in the future but how can we make the relationship better? Reply to this Question
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reader, becky05 +, writes (26 July 2005):
You will have to tell your boyfriend how you feel and why.
I would suggest counselling for you if you have not already done so as no relationship will survive the long term without touching.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): Oooops-You are in a pickle. If you detest touching and dislike other sexually related activities..how does he feel about this? It seems to me that despite the love you and your guy feel for each other, the sex department is just not where you go shopping.
For him to feel happy in this relationship, it's going to take a lot of tolerance and self-denial on his part to keep the fires of love burning when his groin is aching for attention. And if he were to imagine himself in that mode for a lifetime, a vision of a happy long-lasting partnership may not be what he will see on his horizon.
Ask yourself this: Is a sexless relationship going to sustain interest for a satisfying marriage over the long haul?
If he's not complaining then you have a patient gem of a man who is able to love you, irregardless. And I say...more power to you. But let's be real...men do love sex! But if he loves the sexual aspects of a relationship you are headed for trouble in the future.
Have you had medical attention for your personal problem? It might be a good idea to look into getting help for that, if you can. You mention you want family..so I am assuming you are able to physically have sex. Is it more
of an emotional/psychological problem? Whatever it is..please look into recieving help for this. You may have the potential to enjoy sex as much as anyone. It might just take some counselling and medical intervention.
You need to find out how exquisitely beautiful and pleasurable sex is. And it will greatly enhance your loive relationship with your boyfriend. I say this not to add to your grief but to fill you with the joy of hope and motivate you to regain your inborn ability to experience pleasure, sexual pleasure. To achieve this will not only increase your enjoyment of life, it will be the culmination of the healing you deserve.
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