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male
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anonymous
writes: I recently broke it off with a girl and hurt her, should I apologise? When we first met I liked her, she was very intelligent and artistic, but had a tendency to be very eccentric in social situations. We had a lot of sex, but I didn't love her. I tried to let her down slowly, but she irritated me one night in a bar and I walked away from her without an explanation. She txt'd me, asking was I really that mad and that she was looking forward to seeing me that night, but I said she was intelligent and attractive but I didn't think we were suited. The thing is, was I wrong to let the relationship progress for 3 months when I didn't feel for her as she felt for me? Did I use her for sex? I felt she pulled me into bed more than I did her, but sex means different things to men and women. I felt that if she got as much physical pleasure from it as me, I should'nt feel guilty? Am I wrong?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (26 July 2005):
I dont believe you were wrong to end the relationship if you felt that she wasnt right for you.
If you werent suited, you did the right thing by ending the relationship as soon as you were sure.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (26 July 2005):
 Okay...yes you were wrong to lead her on. Women are not like men. We are emotional creatures. Men are not always like that. I think you should apolgise. It will be the mature thing to do. But come clean with her. Sex is such an emotional thing for women, if you know this is not going anywhere...be gentle and honest. If you end up in another relationship or casual sex scenario..lay your cards on the table first okay. Never take that choice away from a lady. Clearly this one had no idea where you were coming from. Hope I helped
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): Anytime you enter a relationship where two persons are physically intimate, you are partly responsible for creating a strong emotional bond..on the other partner's part. You did likely hurt her a great deal because it's likely she did care deeply for you. But best you made it a clean break so she can heal and move on with her life. It would've hurt her much more if you had lead her on for another month, another year, or committed to her out of guilt, only to finally confess at some point, that “I always knew I should have broken up with her.” It will hurt her much more to stay in a relationship with a man who isn’t fully emotionally present, a man who can’t give her the complete commitment she deserves.
About the guilt..if you weren't honest with her from the onset of this relationship or during the relationship or when you found she wasn't the one for you and you didn't come clean with her.....then your burden of guilt... is yours to deal with. Learn to deal with it.
Although relationships can be complex, the main issues are pretty simple. Any time you choose a loveless sexual relationship you short-change yourself and set the stage for disaster. Maybe you are desperate for love and feel like you have to take whatever you can get. Low standards will only increase your feelings of worthlessness and almost guarantee that you will end up in a bad situation. Spend some time learning to value yourself before being intimate with someone else, again. Take a break from relationships and really learn what you want in the future with a loving partner.
Start setting your standards a lot higher and look for a girl that you can share a beautiful, equally loving relationship with. Someone you can trust, love, someone who makes you happy and you enjoy giving back to her. Remember, engaging in risky sexual practices, and you need to understand that by "using" women just for sexual gratification is posing health hazards to you and your female partners. Just something to think about.
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