A
female
age
41-50,
*oraatuha
writes:I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a guywe are so good together.he has a child froma past relationship, he loves her so much, that i fear he might have to choose her/(and of courss the mother) over me.,when it gets to the point, where i will ask for us to settle downHe's planning on buying me a house and planning on a wedding and all that comes with it, however i feel like i am the second woman in this....because of the mother of the daughter.plus i am currently unemployed, and i need to get a job, so am not particulary happy about myself.It's hard to love some one when you are not loving yourself.sometimes i feel sorry for the mother of the daughter because she has really let go of him...she still has hopes that he will come aroud.i dont want to rush everything in the process of getting married,because i want him to make up his mind...tell everyone , without me pushing for it.so , am i right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): what do you mean by choosing the mother of his child over you? you mean as in getting back together with her and marrying her? if he was going to do that, he would have done it by now. So don't worry, unless you have reason to believe that their relationship wasn't really over (which can and does happen even when there are no children involved it just depends on the people), you should relax about this and not drive yourself mad with anxiety. If anything, she is probably lamenting the fact that he has a new woman in his life (you), or else she doesn't care because she's moved on and has her own romantic life to focus on.the healthiest thing would be to think of her as an "in-law", meaning, part of his family like a sister or cousin or sister-in law or something. Because she will always be in your lives since they share a kid. You shouldn't wish that she would just go away and leave you guys alone because that won't happen. But that doesn't mean that there has to be any intimacy between them.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (15 October 2012):
 This man has chosen to be with YOU. He's not chosen the mother of his daughter. His daughter will always be there, he'll always love her and he may often put her first before you. Most of us have strong bonds with our children. It's one of those things you have to accept but stop worrying about the mother. Your partner would not be buying you a house or talking of a wedding if he was still interested in her. She does not have more of a claim to him apart from the fact she can probrably claim contributions towards the child. Start being more positive about yourself and stop worrying about what the other woman is thinking. He's your gain and her loss.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 choosing a child over someone (if such a thing happens) does not mean "of course the mother)
I have two sons from a prior relationship...their dad is a good man but he's my ex for a reason and choosing my sons never meant choosing their dad.
you've got what we call "stinkin' thinkin'" going on....
children are a responsibility and we can love them but not their bio parent that we were with when they were born. much like we love our adopted children... no bio ties but they are still our children and still loved... we don't love the bio-mom or dad just because we love the child.
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