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writes: I would like to address the painful side of Mothers Day! I know for a fact I am not the only one out there feeling sad this day! I am referring to Mothers who are astranged from their children. It hurts! We gave birth to these people! We did the best we could to rasise them right. We've tried to make ammends for mistakes we have made...there is nothing left but to grief the loss! I am fortunate to have three children. The other two don't hate me the way she does. And I am grateful for that I am very close to my son! But of course, on a special day like today my focus is on "the middle child." I recently tried to contact her for her birthday and was ignored. I don't know what else to do. It hurts to think that we will never speak again!Is there a question here? I guess if I have to come up with a question it would be...how do I make it hurt less? Reply to this Question
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reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 That's amazing! I'm really glad for you and I hope everythig goes well. Xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it has been a long time since I posted this question, but I would like everyone who responded to know that I have heard from my daughter!
We still have issues and it will take some doing to work them out...but at least we are talking now!
Strange thing about the situation is her reason for getting in touch with me....it was the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. She grew up with posters of them on her bedroom walls. She felt a loss as though they were family members. She had the need to talk with the only person who would understand....me!
Again I want to thank everyone who responded!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Irish! I know you are right. I know I did my best. And have had many conversations with her in the past, aknowledging my mistakes, and trying to make things better between us.
The problem is when she drinks, she becomes an angry, bitter person, who blames everything negative in her life on me. She will call me out of the blue and just curse me out. I haven't spoken to her since September "08.
I tried reaching out last week after my son left (he was visiting for several days) She did not respond.
Now I am done! I won't make any attempts to heal this relationship, and I have a feeling she will regret her behavior one day!
I don't dwell on this on a daily basis...I go on with my life and consider it her loss!
Thanks again, Irish and Kelly
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): What a positive follow-up, Britt. A wedding might be a good way towards a reunion with your daughter. Stay hopeful, stay happy about it.
But, on a more personal note to you, I do have to say, hun..that I am sorry you are going through this hurt and loss, Britt. And especially on a day like today..it hits home because it's painful to be thinking of every failure as a parent, we've done...without any referral and a gracious thank you for our givingness and successes, as well. Parenting, is a combination of the two. And some adult children forget that. If she has children of her own, she may understand that someday. If she doesn't have kids, yet...she needs to get there. All us Mom's out here, are not perfect, we have all made mistakes...we are human, sometimes those closest to us...forget that, we were people before Mom's..
Britt, your daughter is an adult. Her job as an adult is to keep what she liked from her upbringing, foremost in her memories and change the rest. She’s responsible for remaking herself, being strong, mature and standing tall and letting the anger and resentments go. If she doesn’t choose to do that, know that you did your part and let it go. It really would not be wise to put her in this emotional hurtful 'game of tug of war'.
You have other kids, who appreciate you. I suggest that no matter how hard it is for you, you need to turn to them, try hard to be happy, positive and get on with your own life. Feeling sad about this situation..will limit the quality of your life and the life of the others that do want to be with you. Think of them.
But please remember, you are not the root of all evil. You did your best with what you had, and that’s all anyone can expect. Your only option is silence and giving her space for the way she wants to live. You could send her an occasional letter of support and love..but she has to get to the point where she matures and realizes, that even though as Mothers, we aren't perfect, that our children are deeply loved by us Mom's and always will be. Good luck, Britt
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAmazing how God works in a lives sometimes in a blink of an eye!
Although nothing has changed with my daughter...and I do accept that. However I was feeling the pain moreso than usually.
Shortly after I posted my question/comment, my son instant messaged me. He is planning to propose to his girlfriend Memorial Day Weekend.
I told him I wanted to give him one of my rings, which was my mothers, to give to her as a gift from me. He was genuinely touched and appreciative! I am so damn excited, I don't have time for nonesense with anyone who doesn't love me the way my son does! I am so grateful right now!
Who knows...maybe his wedding will be the time of reconciliation with others!
Just wanted you to know how my sadness turned such happiness!
Thanks Kelly, for your response...yes, I already knew that!
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reader, kellyxxx +, writes (10 May 2009):
You can't! Its something that you can't really change, the change has got to be made on her part. Sorry. Xxx
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