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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: So I have this moral dilemma. Basically my brain has more proof than it ever had before that things between me and my ex are through. She said to: "Leave me alone, and I will not read or listen to anything you have to say" That was about two months ago. But now she keeps sending new messages to me in one way or another and they wildly fluctuate. From "I'm ecstatically happy without you", to "I wish you would just leave me alone", to "You just wont give up, I must be the #@$%" to, "I'm gone, Good Bye!"Mind you, I have not contacted her for two months and she sent all of this during that time. I am confused. My logic/brain tells me she hates me and despises me and that she has come to dread anything I say to her. But my intuition, or gut feeling, says that she still loves me, but its just too painful for her, and that she cannot get over that pain.I did, after all, do something pretty effed up in our relationship, and I had been seeking forgiveness from her for a while till she said "leave me alone"Needless to say, its a messy situation. But, I just want to know if I should send her a final letter or something? A real letter? Or do final letters just turn into more final letters? It breaks my heart all over again to think of her being out of my life forever, even when I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break again. But I have been strong for 2 months now! What do I do? Do I trust what is obvious and material, or what is nuanced, and implied?And If I do write a letter: How do I seem like I'm not begging her back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks...I'm sorry But I went against all your advice. I feel massive guilt over what I did to her and worry that I permanently emotionally damaged her or something.
I sent her something like this:
"I'm sorry for hurting you. It must've have been a deeper hurt than I originally thought. And I forgive you for anything, real or imagined, that you may have done to me, or will do.
Did I want reconciliation and to be with you? Yes, I'm not going to lie. I wanted it more than anything.
But most of all I want to know you are going to be ok. That I didn't permanently do something to you... I worry incessantly about you.. like a mother hen, its just ridiculous.
I guess I just need to let go
promise me you will let go of any negative effect I have had on you... and I will let go."
I'm pretty satisfied with my letter.. And my intent is in the right place, I am truly letting go. I wish her all the best in life and love, but I can do nothing more for her than what I just did, anything more and we always just end up hurting each other.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 My opinion is that you should always go for the HARD facts. "HARD" as in "solid, likely to be useful as foundations".
What you know here is that she says one thing now, and an absolutely opposite thing later. You already apologized, and she can either accept your apologies, or not. But she's "taking her time", or "making you jump through hoops"; we don't know. Anyways, this is bad and wrong.
Why don't you send her one short e-mail saying something like "Hey, I already asked for forgiveness and said I want to be back with you. Stop playing with my heart. Say "yes" if you really mean it, and don't bother sending anything if you mean "no" or "I'm not sure"." That will do.
You will either win her back or end up heartbroken. If you end up heartbroken, that will happen FASTER than it otherwise would. Which will buy you time to get someone else later :-).
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 Best thing to do it to change your phone number or ignore her! I have no idea what she is doing but she sounds like a weirdo! Leave her to her life, and you get on with yours! Only bad things will come from writing or speaking to her.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Don't contact her. Messy break ups like this need only time and distance from the ex. Having been that girl (embarressing, I know) I can only say that she is looking to get some kind of response from you, and that giving her any will only prolong the whole ordeal, and prevent both of you from moving on. The only way a person can manipulate you is if you consent and play into their games. If she asked you to leave her alone, but keeps contacting you, she is obviously hurting and needs validation, needs to make you jealous etc etc.The best thing you can do for her (and yourself) is make a clean break and keep it that way. She will get over you, and whatever horrible things you may or may not have done to her, but the moment you contact her again it's straight back to square one!
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