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age
36-40,
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writes: I broke up with my ex 4 years ago. I loved him very much but he broke my heart. 5 months after our break up i met a guy that loved me so much. We'r engaged now but i can't stop thinking about my ex. I think i still love my ex and i feel lyk i'm cheating on my fiance. How long does it takes to forget about someone you really loved? What can i do to forget about my ex and focus on my future husband?
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 It takes different times for different people to get over someone. But if you still love your ex, then you shouldn't be getting married at all until you figure out who's the right one for you. Really think about this and ask yourself do you love him or do you miss what you once had? Would you rather be with him or your fiance? Remember why you broke up with him and be grateful that you have a wonderful man who wants to be with you forever. But don't get married until you can say that you have no romantic feelings for your ex.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (13 August 2011):
Oh honey I feel for you! I really do and I don't think you are doing anything wrong for THINKING something. In this society, people are made wrong for what they are thinking, and really, your conduct as far as morality is judged by your actions. You are not cheating on your fiance, but you are cheating yourself out of happiness.
You can marry him, and bear the burden of never doing anything wrong despite you love your ex, but you might not ever be happy.
Acknowledge this: you will never forget about your ex. aside from doing something to yourself to cause amnesia (which will cause you to forget about your fiance) but you can eventually reduce the importance of the ex in your mind.
Usually re-directing your attention solves this problem. But you have had four years. This is bad, really bad.
You really can't marry this guy until you are over the ex. You are sentencing yourself to years of agony.
Not being able to get over your ex, how can you even see past that preoccupation well enough to know you love your fiance?
As you can see now, getting a new amour does not help you get over the old one. You really need to stop one thing before you start the next. This should have been done long ago.
I mean all of this in the most compassionate way. You need to tell your fiance and you need to either get over it or get back with the ex. Period.
By the way, one thing that I did once was tell myself it was OK to think about someone and I just thought about them over and over until I could not think about them any more. Its the resistance to unwanted thoughts that perpetuates them.
But if you have more than just a thought, and you actually have an INTENTION to get back together with the ex, then there is no way you are getting over this with simple mental gymnastics. A decision must be made.
The rough truth of the matter? You just like thinking about him.
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