A
female
age
41-50,
*onair
writes:Okay, I cant turn to anyone, cause my problem is top secret. I am engaged and fairly happy. Wedding is soon, and my family is very very excited. Been with my Fiance for over 4 years now.I recently met up with my ex after not seeing him for nearly 6 years, we were each others first love throughout highschool, with very special memories, but when we saw each other, everything came flooding back. We broke up because we were young teenagers and thought there would be more out there for us. I have been left very confused now, there is so much at stake. We are both adults now, and still share such strong feelings. Is this happening to me, because I am "not getting" fufillment out of my current relationship. Or because My first love and I are really supposed to be?
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broke up, engaged, fiance, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Marriage is a commitment for life and if you're having any doubts at all (which you are) then you need to postpone the wedding to sort your head out. (When IS the wedding by the way?) Let me put it this way... how would YOU feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Wouldn't you feel cheated and feel the marriage was a sham? As it stands just now, if you DO marry your fiance, you'll only hold resentment for him as time goes on so you NEED to decide what/who you really want here.
We always remember our first love with fondness. You've only had one meeting with him so you don't know exactly what's going on with him now. He HAS a girlfriend at the moment too, albeit a long distance relationship. Just make sure the feelings you have for each other are genuine and not based on fond school kid memories.
You need to find out more about your ex, has he any kids or baggage? Has he been married before? What does he want from life? What are his goals and aspirations? Where is he living? Does he genuinely still care for you? Can he make you truly happy? Do you love him ENOUGH to give up and say goodbye to your fiance?
At the end of the day it's YOUR life and YOUR happiness that's involved. Don't go ahead with the wedding because you can't bear to hurt your fiance and let everyone down, the plans are all made and everyone else is so excited and happy about it. Go ahead with it because you truly DO love him. If you have just one inkling of doubt in your mind then put it on hold. It may be that this old flame is the love of your life and you're meant to be together or it may not.
It's a big decision that only YOU can made... I so hope you make the right one.
Eve
A
female
reader, conair +, writes (15 August 2007):
conair is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Eve, Thank you for your reply, as I am feeling such mixed emotions of butterflies and depression. We are both 26 years old, I have only seen him once (4 days ago) and we spent alot of time together. I didn't sleep with him (which was incredibly hard), but we did dance for a long time to a busker who was playing our song, and we got very close. we were each others firsts...He has told me that he still loves me, and cant believe how strong his feelings were, and also that he has never ever loved anyone the way he loves me, and the love he feels for me terrify's him. I didn't say anything to him about how I was feeling. He is having a long distance relationship with some girl. I hope this might give you a chance to tell me what I should do.my fiance is a good man, but it scares me that I dont feel so strongly. (I thought I loved him till my ex crossed my path)
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 August 2007):
How many times have you seen your ex again? How old are you both? Have you slept with him? Is he with anyone right now? Has he told you he still wants to be with you? I take it your fiance knows nothing of this? Knowing this information will help give me more clarity and enable me to answer your question.
Eve
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (14 August 2007):
 First love's ALWAYS stay with you, whether they ended for bad or for worse.
If there was no real reason for breaking (just because you wanted to see life's sights so to speak) you never really had any closure.
Also what tends to happen is the mind puts a positive spin on everything, even when it was horrible.
Ever had a memory of a place that you lived at when you were younger, then revisited it only to be massively disappointed?
The same thing applies with relationships.
If you're marrying the man you are with at the moment, it would suggest that it is working perfectly, and i really wouldn't throw it away over "curiousity".
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