A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok so here goes....i am friends with 2 co workers who are married, not to eachother. she is in love with him but all he was looking for was sex, which never happened because she won't do it with someone she is not married to. he wants the whole thing to end but does not want to hurt her since we all work together. i want to help but i don't know what to say..... he's scared that she will do something terrible (like go to his wife or the boss),if he tells her he doesn't want to be friends anymore. help me i'm stuck in the middle!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): thanks for clarifying. i did not choose sides with her but read:
"but all he was looking for was sex, which never happened because she won't do it with someone she is not married to. "
meaning that he was just wanting to screw her and and she had a problem with the just sex bit.
i think this is not your battle to fight. both of them were wrong. it doesn't matter what their respective ages are. both are married and should not even be in this position in the first place. he wanted her and he was willing to risk his marriage for her. she knew he wanted sex from her and she used her female wiles to make him "beg" for it. they both played their shameful games with each other. you cannot just blame her only. he is also at fault.
the crap of blaming her for flattering him and giving him attention when his wife was not showering him attention just doesn't hold any merit. he is a grown up, an adult, he was consenting to sex with her. he knew it, she knew it and i think if you were not biased you will realise it too. i know he is your friend but this friend was up to no good with this flirtatious younger woman. they both were consenting adults to this affair. they both were wrong.
please stay out of it. they both messed up. they both screwed their partners. they both knew exactly what they were doing. now this older man wants you to sort out his mess. no, way. his actions have consequences and they both need to pay the price. you are innocent here and he shouldn't expect you to clean his mess which he created. this man is using you to clean his shit. why waste all your energies on this situation.
let them sort out their own shit and you please act indifferently. both lied to their spouses, both messed up big time.
choose your battles in life and this battle is not yours. it's theirs. and please do not lose any sleep over this.
anyway he is a coward. he f*cked around and now is afraid this long suffering wife will find out. he must grow some balls and account for his wrongdoing. you cannot sweep his mess under the carpet. then, you will be just as guitly as the both of them . they are both using you but sadly i think you cannot see .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): i was friends with him first.... so i feel more loyalty to our friendship than i do with her. also i found out that she had been using me in an effort to get closer to him, ( she would tell her husband she was visiting me when she wanted to spend time with him, we often did things as a group but it was only so she could be near him). i don't sympathize with her because she knew what she was doing the whole time, dangling the idea of sex in front of him and then snatching it back saying only if he left his wife for her, using his own insecurities against him. and i know that middle aged men are weak when it comes to a younger woman flateering them and giving them the kind of attention they no longer get from their wives because they've been together so long. i am trying to protect him because he needs it. i have seen how she is able to manipulate people and because he asked me for help. i probably won't gain anything from this, i fact i will probably lose some friends but i cannot turn my back on someone who reaches out to me, that's just the kind of person i am. why did you automatically choose her side?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): why are you trying to protect him? and if she is also your friend how come you don't understand her pain and her confusion and all her feelings?what will you gain from this? and how are you in the middle.
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