A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I filed a HR report against my boss. THis is a retail environment. We previously had an 'emotional affair', as is called these days. He actually wanted to be friends in spite of my HR claim. He tried being my friend again, but he keeps doing hurtful things to me. So I keep my distance. Long story short. Even now, I see him looking at me. He recently tried recruiting people against me spreading lies about his and that, but they knew better of me to believe him. Still, you'd think he'd want nothing to do with me since the HR claim? But no, I catch him working and looking at me on and off all the time. Someone told me he's a nut? I dunno, why would he still look at me so much that I can catch him starring or glancing here and there?? Is he a nut?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Hi. You seem pretty young and relatively inexperienced in the work place to me. You need to understand what the word 'professionalism' actually means. To me this means ACTIVELY ensuring that during the 9 to 5 you remain focused on work issues only and keep discussion focused on matters which have a direct relevance to work. Avoid innuendo/sexual discussions. Avoid chat on a one to one basis with this individual on matters other than work-related stuff. Never outstay your welcome in such one to one meetings. Conclude your business and then leave. You didn't do that, did you? I think that if a women does not wish to date a guy she either 1) puts him into the friend zone i.e. "he's a really nice bloke but just not my type." or perhaps "he's asked me out but I barely know him and I am not attracted to him, therefore I am going to fill all the gaps in my knowledge of him with negative thoughts - so let's assume he's a stalker or a psycho - why not." Perhaps he is out of your league and you secretly fancy him but are in denial. I've been in his situation and asked out a woman at work who I thought was coming on to me. Little did I know that she was already having an affair with another guy at work. After my rejection (HR got involved) we would exchange nervous glances from a distance but the closer we got the more we avoided eye contact. However, I had thoroughly thought through all the scenarios before asking her out, knowing that I may have to leave the company through the pain of rejection. In the end I was made redundant. The plain fact of the matter is that some women, perhaps unknowingly send out all the wrong messages at work and blur the boundaries between professional and non-professional conduct. You appear to be one of them so take part-responsibility for this situation having arisen and give this man a little respect. After I was rejected I was sometimes subjected to seeing this woman having coffee breaks behind closed doors with fellow male colleagues on a one to one basis - clearly inflammatory. She was bad news. I had powerful feelings for her, too! Ultimately I think that either you or your (ex-boss) should leave the company and start anew - good luck! P.S. He sounds like a bit of an idiot but then woman love the bad guys - perhaps you do, too!?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): ...sounds like you miss the attention to me. Leave the guy alone - he has suffered enough already. Perhaps he thinks you are looking at him rather than the other way around!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 January 2010):
 Absolutely yes. Keep your distance.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 December 2009):
He's obsessed, which is affecting your career. Go back to the HR department, make another complaint and warn them if it continues you'll sue for sexual harassment. At times like these, you have to be tough.
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