A
male
age
30-35,
*forde04
writes:On starting university a girl who is something of an acquaintance has come up to my hometown. I wouldn't say that I was overly interested in her at present (I don't know her well enough to make that judgement) what I would say is that we think and operate on a similar wavelength and its always nice to spend time around likeminded people. Several attempts to meet up have been scuppered due to conflicting timetables and the fact that she is based in a different part of the city to me, engaged with people in her accomodation.Should I (or not) text her and attempt to arrange meeting up over the weekend. I fear that she has the impression I'm hitting on her (which I'm not ...) Any advice would really be appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): You have it wrong.
Hitting on a girl is not a bad thing it usually depends on the guys motives, like if you just wanted to use her for sex, but if you really want to get to know her better I say go for it. You obviously do like her.
Best of Luck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Ah,,.... that age-old dilemma that we guys face: HOW can I hit on her without her REALIZING that I'm hitting on her?
The short answer: You can't....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Love is a risk. The risk you take of the total elation of being accepted, or the sting of being rejected.
I admire your tactic of trying to see her under the guise of friendship, but you're tearing yourself up because while approaching her as friends, you are trying to read her every nuance and action to see whether your gamble is a sure thing.
There are no sure things. Be brave. If you're interested, ask her out. Don't try to disguise it or play cool, for it's the risktakers who get the rewards.
What's the worst that can happen?? She's not interested? Well, if that's the case, you'll still gain the satisfaction of having made your move and can let her go.
Just ask her out. Before you do so, since you are a thinker and a planner, have some friendly conversations with her and find out what she likes and is interested in. Then, instead of just saying "Wanna go out sometime?", invite her to something you know she'll like. If she's into art, or skiing, or dancing, or movies, or whatever, tailor it to what she likes.
Good luck! Remember, it's a wonderful and exhilerating risk, being interested.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 So you want to hit on her, but not let her know you're hitting on her so you can ensure there's no chance she reciprocates? I think you mostly are having problems with the fact that hitting on someone sounds unpleasant, but really it just means flirting/letting someone know you're interested. Just ask her out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): You are getting WAY too bent out of shape about what amounts to what you are supposed to do. If you want to get to know her, which you do, she is not going to want to get to know someone who is not engaging. You have to gain her interest. Unless you are incredibly good looking, she is not just going to become interested, and then its not because of personality. I say that you engage her, flirt with her, and simply make her feel like you are interested in her to whatever level you are, factually, interested.People are always hitting on people and flirting with them, even if it is just a thing you would never act on, even married people. Married women do it a lot, actually. Get a 30 year old married woman, and she will flirt with you if you are comfortable. I am not telling you to flirt with married women. I am telling you it is as natural as breathing. Everyone does it.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (23 September 2011):
 It's better for a girl to think you're hitting on her when you're not than to think you're not when you are. There is no shame in flirting, or in being a man and noticing a pretty girl, and no reason to hide it.
That's true even if you're not actually interested. It's no big deal unless you make it one. Besides, even if you do everything you can to look right, she might get the wrong impression anyway. People do that. So, forget about trying not to look like you're hitting on her and just set things up. You can always change your mind later.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2011):
 I'm confused.
you want to get to know her better and see if something works out but you're NOT hitting on her?
what is hitting on her?
if you mean you want to get to know her better then tell her that.. "hey I want to get to know you better can we have dinner?"
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