A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend on the internet 11 years ago this summer. We were kids when we first met and dated on and off, drifting apart occasionally, but never losing contact of each other. Last May he finally broke ties with his ex-girlfriend, and I was breaking up with a short lived relationship. We became close again and used each other as uplifting factors. Over the summer I began feeling the spark again.. until he had emergency surgery which left him without a job (his job was manual labor and this conflicted with his healing..) He stayed home and, without work to occupy him, began meeting other girls on the internet. This absolutely crushed me. He had no explanations for why he was doing this to me..said he still and always would love me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. I told him that nobody would ever love him like I did, and this was his one chance to make things right. We stopped talking that night.Flash forward five months. I needed his help one night on a video game, and we began speaking again. He confessed that he had talked to a friend of his about how nobody would ever compare to what we had. We began dating again (officially, this time) and have been together for almost 5 months. Although we have known each other for half of our lives, we have NEVER met. That's beginning to become a problem for me, because I have begun to crave his touch.. even though i've never felt it before. I'll wake up in tears because i've had a dream where we're together, and it feels so real. I still live at home, and my parents have known of him since we met years ago, but they won't let me drive to see him until they have met him (we're only two hours away.) We had a date planned in February, but schedules conflicted, and we had to cancel. This left me in a depression for nearly a month.Within the past week or so, i've noticed that our social contact have went from hours upon hours on the phone, IM, webcam, etc. and been reduced to a couple of minutes a day. The same feeling I had last summer when we began losing touch has started to loom over me again.. I know it's too soon to tell, but I can't shake the feeling. It leaves me in tears every night, and every morning. I just can't help but think that if we could just hold each other in our arms that there would be no looking back.. we would be together forever. Is this foolish? On IM he will tell me he'll be right back in a second, and not return for a couple of hours. He NEVER did this before. It just makes me wonder what (or who..) is causing him so much distraction. I guess I just need to know if i'm being too clingy, paranoid, lovesick.. or if I have a reason to feel the way I do.
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crush, ex girlfriend, his ex, long distance, spark, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 You say that you are going to meet up??
I get the feeling by his major reductions of contact via email and online that it might never happen and that he may have a girlfriend. He also has contact with other girls online too, so technically you have no say what he does with his life either because you were never an item.
Stop living on false hope, if he really did want to meet you, it would have happened ages ago and he is dangling you on a piece of string. Please go out with your friends and find real people to mingle with, or you will end up a sad and lonely person.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Good lord! This unbelievable! Your parents must feel that this is all very harmless and you are at least nice and safe sitting in front of computer "dating" but they have done you a serious disservice. Your delusional behavior is very disturbing. You absolutely need to let go of all this and see the world as it really is, maybe counseling will be needed for you to realize you have to get up from the computer and walk away. Real people, real activites, real experiences, real dating, that's what you need.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I agree with Dusky, this is not a real partner in the true sense. If it was to be something more after 11 years, hey cut that in hald, say only 5 years, normally you would have met in person the one who you consider a partner. Hey why not say after, 1 month of offical partnering, you would have met him in person. It is a bit sad that you have waited so long for a man who has always been there but it never has happened.
This is what you need to consider. How realistic are you really being. Is this just a dream which is now holding you back from experiancing a real life and relationship. I think for you to have held on so long, it is now, a bit sad.
To be perfectly honest, I think it will never ever happend with him. He and or you, would have done something more constructive about your relationship or lack there of, if it was going to happen. I see the two of you as friends. Very fond of each other but not nearly in the love catagory as a real couple experiance. He is now becoming something in your mind which is a fantasy. You need to realise that this is NOT how true relationships exist.
How can you love someone, like you beleive you do about this man in the normal way relationships happen, if you have never met. Maybe it is possible, but not normally.
You need a life. It is highly possible he is exploring other options, as should you.
At your age to waste another 11 years or even 5 months on something which has no foundation or reality is perhaps foolish. You have to decide this for yourself. Just realise that he may well be deciding this too.
Unfortunately I have to say that you are being a too clingy, paranoid and lovesick. And I am sorry but I do not beleive you have a reason to feel this way. You need to have a proper relationship to know the difference.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have never met because when we first met, we were both 10 years old. Now we're 20 and making plans to meet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): First off, I sympathize with you. Long distance relationships are tough, but two hours isn't that far away.
I'm perplexed though, if you are over 18, why do your parents have a say in who you meet?
I would encourage you to either meet him, or forget him as anything more than a pen pal.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Girl!!! wake up. You have no relationship with this man, you have never even met him. How can you class this as dating a guy. He only lives 2 hours away and yet neither of you have bothered to even try to meet.
This is definatly the strangest question that has ever been on here.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (25 March 2008):
Darling he is not your boyfriend and you do not have a relationship with him because you have never met this guy.
In the eleven years that you have known him online, why have you guys not met each other? This is a very bizarre situation, you need to get out and meet real people and rapidly wean yourself away from your computer.
You have wasted too much of your precious time and life is too short, this is a very sad existance you are living by having a virtual reality boyfriend. Get yourself into the real world!!!!
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