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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been in a relationship for over 8 yrs. I really love my BF but am a bit disappointed in the way he allows me to be the man/women in the relationship. I feel I do everything. I would like to take a step back and let him look after me for a while but that'll never happen, but that's not the main issue. For over 4 yrs he haven't really had a sex life. We used to be very adventurous and open minded. I would say we still are, but we're not having sex - I really miss the intimacy and closeness that it brings and every time I approach him with the subject he says it's my fault. If it's not that, then I don't turn him on, then it's I don't have sexy legs or a body. I should apprently work out. I'm a bloody size 10 and weigh not even 8 stones and I definitely don't think I'm bad looking at all. If anything I would say I'm attractive. He hasn't gone down on me for that amount of time (I apparently smell) but there's nothing wrong with me and I don't smell, plus I'm a very clean person. One stage he didn't touch me for 5 mths. When I asked why he said he just wasn't in the mood, and then when I asked again he said I just didn't do it for him anymore. He says I don't have nice enough legs and I don't act or dress sexy - It's weird; I dress better than I did 8 yrs ago and he thought I was the most beautiful thing in the world.I've suggested a sex therapist but he's not keen as me. Again, it's down to my lack of sexiness that pushes him away. Why can't he just want me? I don't think a person can act sexy, they just are. It's in the way they talk,vmove and dress. Well that's what I thought anyway.Oh what's wrong with me? The only man I want doesn't ever act like he wants me. He says he does, but why don't I feel like it - Is it really my fault??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2005): Honey, I reccommend you get out of there. You sound like an awesome chick, and from what you say you sound like the kind of girl guys are queueing for. Get rid of this asshole and find someone that sees you for the beautiful girl you are =)
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 October 2005):
 If he is your boyfriend then walk away. If he is your husband then you'll need to go thruough a divorce. This guy is not worth your dragging yourself down. There are so many great guys out there that will love to treat you with love and respect. They really aren't hard to find.
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A
female
reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (7 October 2005):
Take it from someone who knows - I was in a relationship with a shit like this for 5 years. What you've said is virtually parallel to the way he treated me. He never came near me and made me feel bad about myself. I found out he had cheated on me and he cried his eyes out and begged me to stay when I left him - strange behaviour from a man who didn't even seem to like me very much. His life fell apart after I left, due to the fact that I did EVERYTHING for him - it was, as your relationship is, very one sided.
Anyway - what I'm leading to is this; the guy is, as Irish succinctly puts it, an ass. His constant critisism is a controlling tool he uses to make sure you stay with him. I bet you think no-one else would want you. I bet you torture yourself wondering why he doesn't want you and I also bet that you are doing everything in your power to please him - to make him like you. Stop right now. Do youself a favour, get out of this relationship and find someone who will appreciate you and your size 8 body (you lucky thing!). I know you love him but ask yourself why? What does he do to enrich your life? What does he do for you? This man will never change and the longer you stay with him the your self-esteem will be damaged.
Good Luck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): No it's not your fault. Your bf is an ass, sweety and he's also an expert at blame shifting! I don't think you do have a functional, healthy relationship here, at least not a life-giving one, nor one based on respect. I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions, and know what you can live with and what you can't live with. You love someone who is putting his needs and wants ahead of you. He's selfish and he's emotionally abusing you. How much more of this garbage are you going to take, girl? You're not happy and that's understandable. Dump this guy, get to a counselor and find out WHY you stayed in such a horrible, emotionally abusive relationship with him? Reach, grow and learn more about yourself so you never make this mistake again! You need to believe in yourself and your gifts and qualities, and realize that you did deserve much more respect and caring from your this creep, you called your bf. Take care, dear and be very strong and persevere!
Hugs,
Irish
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There's not much to be said, except "where there's smoke, there's fire." You should find a version of the old blues tune, "Hit the Road, Jack," and play it for him.
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Your husband is a cheat. Perhaps you don't want a divorce but that may be your only option unless you can learn to live with a man who could care less about your feelings. He admits he'll probably have an affair.
Did you agree to an 'open marriage' when you married him? Was he always this way and perhaps you thought that marriage would change him? His 'little harmless fun' is hurting you. He obviously doesn't care. You should. If it were me, I'd get out before he brought home a 'little harmless' disease.
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