A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hvae just started dating a new man.We have been on two (what I think) have been amazingly wonderful dates, and there is great chemistry and a connection already.It is obvious he is attracted to me - he isn't making any attempt to hide the fact. There has been some kissing and cuddling but not sex, I don't believe in sleeping with someone early on.I really like him and I am trying to not get too emotionally involved too soon.My probalem is that I am struggling with contact. At the end of our 2nd date he did make noises to ask if I would like to do something again soon, but no official date was set.He hasn't contacted me at all for 24 hours. Am I just worrying for nothing? Or is this a sign that he has changed his mind about me?I really like him, but I am very unconfident. Men don't usually like me so I am almost expecting him to say, sorry, not interested any more. Is 24 hours no contact a cause to worry?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 if he contacts you he's interested. give him space and time if you are interested...
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 It sounds like he is taking things slowly and getting to know you slowly. If you keep contacting him and there is no reply you are going to push him away. Four dates is still way to early to be expecting anything from him or talking about anything serious. Keep your options open and just go with the flow. However if you are inpatient well then ask him does he like you but be warned you might push him away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he did get back in touch and we have been on another two dates, so that is four now but again there have been another three days without any contact at all.
Our last date was lovely, lots of hugging and a bit of kissing, but there was no mention of another date.
I do wonder how interested he actually is. Surely if he really liked me he would make the effort to contact me? I have tried, but got no reply.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 October 2011):
You're not the only person in the world this happens to. It has happened to me, it's happened to my friends, and numerous people on here. Women aren't dating all over the world and finding their true love all the time. This sort of thing happens! Don't get so down on yourself...and still, it's only ben what? 3-days? Relax. If it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. Just move on and don't give up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he still has not contacted me. So I guess that it is over.
worldlywise I do not date just for the sake of it.
I just never get the offers. If I was lucky enough to be spoilt for choice then I could afford to be less worried about things.
I don't know how normal women do it.
What have they got that I dont. What is wrong with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): I can understand slightly how you feel...I haven't dated for 3 or 4 years now. It does get me down sometimes but mostly I am not bothered.
If somebody asks me out and I don't like them that way then I don't go for the sake of a date. If I date and it leads nowhere then fine, wasn't meant to be.
I do make the best of myself,keep fit, dress well to suit me, and ofcourse its sad when it doesn't work out. But its really not the end of the world.Theres more to life than being a 'couple'.
It does however bother you, a great deal, so DO something positive with yourself - have a makeover, pamper yourself, see a dating counsellor..whatever.. nobody can help you if you dont help yourself.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Without knowing you it is near impossible to determine what exactly the problem is. Your friends might be honest about your qualities but holding back for fear of hurting your feelings, especially if you're already vulnerable and sensitive about your dating history.
Perhaps you should speak to someone detached and objective, like a dating coach. Would you be willing to consider that? You may be able to Google one in your area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionworldlywise that is what I have been doing. Living.I work, I socialise, I dont find any men who want to date me. It is a very rare thing to find a man who is even remotely interested. My friends tell me I am kind, caring, intelligent, funny and they cannot understand why I am single and can't get a date to save my life. (90% of the men I have dated in the past ended up giving me the 'lets just be friends' talk. They value me more as a best friend than as a lover or a girlfriend). I don't know why, but that depresses me beyond words. Why am I not good enough?If they are not replused by the way I look, (average face, slightly chubby) then they just love me as a friend. Now, I just expect that to happen. I know I should just take things as they come, and if it works out great and if not move on, but when you have had so many disapointments you don't believe it will ever be any different. I know I am desperate/paranoid/stupid/pathetic. I know I am a total loser. Normal women just move on to the next guy. My next guy might come along in another 5 or 10 years, it takes me that long to attract someone. I really really like this man, on paper he is pretty much everything I would have dreamed of. I do not want to fall at the first hurdle. Yet it seems as if that is what is happening. How do normal women do it? How can they not care, not hurt, not be bothered? Do they get that many offers that its just two a penny and they have the luxury of being able to go and windowshop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): Have you contacted him I wonder?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): I don't know what or how much experience you have with men, according to your profile your age is 26-29, so your hardly old or beyond dating ever again!
Have you asked friends about this lack of luck with men, or even siblings - somebody who will be honest with you?
There IS somebody for everyone, but if you continue with this negative attitude then you will never attract anyone. Please give yourself a shake,your agonising after 26hrs and he is getting on with his life..doing stuff he did before he met you and will always do,regardless...what would you be doing normally,at the weekend, if you hadn't met or dated him?
You must go out..you met this man ... so keep going out,going to work,seeing friends n family..thats what he's doing...living
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2011):
so my question is ... when they decide they are not interested and move on what do you do? do you chase them? call them? ask them... or do you just move on?
26 hours w/no contact after 2 dates is not a lot... 26 days... yeah he's done.. 26 hours? he could be hung over or sick or ::::::gasp:::::::: busy having a life that makes him so interesting to you....
give him time...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is not because I think he has - it's just that is my only experience with men. Things look like they are going well and then suddnely they are no longer interested.
Aunt honesty - I am negative because I have never had any success with men. I have found someone here who I think is amazing and who did seem to be intersted in me. I dont know how this happens for you, but for me, this is a very very rare thing.
worldlywise - I dearly want to believe that this will work and that he wants to continue seeing me, but my gut instincts are usually wrong. No matter how well I think something is going, most of the time it turns out to be wrong. I dont get lucky with men. Relationships happen to other people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): You have clearly decided he isn't interested so just forget him and move on.Don't worry about the if's and buts if your gut instinct has told you he isn't interested.
However, you will have to develop some self confidence before you consider dating anyone else. Maybe this guy thought you would 'put out' on the first or 2nd date and you didn't. Who knows. But your right not to have.
So instead of worrying about some guy you dated twice why not invest in yourself. You will meet and date more men if you show confidence rather than gratitude. Fill your time with stuff that makes you feel good about you. A friend of mine is 62 and she has a never ending pool of admirers, she's confident, never clingy and if it doesn't work out its 'next' please. Best way to be.
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 October 2011):
You are being very negative and if this is how you start of when you date someone new then it wont work, if you keep telling yourself it is not working well then it is not going to. Seriously why stress about it so much, just live life the happiest that you can and just take each day as it comes. You don't know that he has lost interest. Yet you are believing it just because he hasn't contacted you for one day! It was only two dates. You need to loosen up a bit or else you will push all guys away with that attitude. Maybe he was busy with friends, maybe he was with family, he does have a life therefore he could simply have just been busy, but it is way to early to be judging this and to be telling yourself he is losing interest already, you may be right maybe he is, but why worry about it, you don't know for sure so just as I said take each day as it comes and see what happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what is normal then? How many days can you go and still be 'interested' yet have no contact?
To me, the fact he was contacting me every day, and now he hasnt suggests he HAS lost interest.
From my previous experience, this is the beginning of a man telling me he doesnt want to know.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 October 2011):
Yes even then, just because he doesn't contact you every day doesn't mean he has lost interest. It is only early days so there shouldn't be the need for you to be reassured so soon. You need to take a step back or else you will end up getting hurt because you are becoming to close to soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEvne when there has been some sort of contact every other day since our first meeting?
I like this man, and fear I have cocked it up before it has begun.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 October 2011):
Well how long did it take him to contact you the first time? If it took him a couple days, then it will probably take a couple days again.
Men like to play it cool too, so he could wait a couple days so that he doesn't come across as anxious.
Relax. If he doesn't call you after a week then it's time to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): Don't become the desperado type here.....you say men don't usually like you, I hope you haven't told him that!
You have to be laid back, so he hasn't contacted you in 26hrs....maybe thats his style,men aren't the same as us, he probably hasn't given it a thought...if he's been to footy or with his mates then he won't be thinking 'oh I must text her'
If you hear from him before Wednesday thats good....you've dated twice, had a great time, that may be it OR the start of something, only time will tell.Keep yourself occupied don't focus or fixate on him and if he does get in touch then it'l be a nice surprise.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (9 October 2011):
Far too soon to worry. In fact, if after only two dates, you're already anxious enough to seek reassurance about him losing interest then I'd say you're already too heavily invested.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 October 2011):
 24 hours with no contact from him? YES, you should be terribly worried!! He must no longer be interested!
NOT.
You've had two dates which were very enjoyable, so why all this anxiety now? As Aunt Honesty has said, you really need to slow down!
He has other things to do - and so, one would hope, do you. His life doesn't revolve around you, and yours shouldn't revolve around him either. Making him the center of your universe is definitely not healthy for you - or for him. You say you want to take things slowly, and that's a very good idea. Try to relax, get a good night's sleep and see what transpires in the next few days.....if he's interested he will get in touch, and if not - you haven't invested a lot of time and energy on him.....it will work out, don't worry!
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 October 2011):
Wow you really need to slow down here girl before you push him away before anything serious can start. You need to look at it for what it is, it was two dates and by the sounds of it you are both getting on well and enjoying it, which is great. But seriously 24 hours without any contact and you are worried? That is not healthy. He never set a date for the 3rd date and you are still only getting to know each other so it is way to early to be worrying over no contact for one day. Take things slowly and as they come. Am sure he will contact soon enough, if it was a week or two without contacting you well then yes maybe that would set alarm bells ringing but not one day. You need to watch that you don't crowd him to soon and expect to much to soon or you may push him away. Take things slowly and enjoy each others company, but don't be waiting around either for him to contact you enjoy your life as well.
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