A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are trying to come to an agreement on finances before moving in together. We earn similar salaries, and have similar expenses for cars, insurance and so on but he has to pay maintenance for a daughter and ex wife. I don’t have any children or dependants. I want to base my contribution to the joint household budget on my salary less usual expenses AND less his maintenance amount because that is what his contribution will be based on. So I will keep an amount equal to his maintenance to myself and not put it in the household budget, and decide how it gets used. He says I’m being mean. What do you think?
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (7 May 2011):
You are in your own right to contribute the same he will contribute. What he did in the past is something he has to be responsible for. Specially if you have similar salaries.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 His maintenance and child support should NOT be in your common budget, those expenses are HIS alone. Sorry there is no way I want to be financially "responsible" for his past life.
You (in my opinion) should have a budget on the SHARED expenses of living together.( those costs has nothing to do with you IMHO).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): You are not being mean at all. He is contributing toward the upkeep of his child from a previous relationship and that is how it should be. Asking you to in effect, make a contribute too is rather cheeky of him. He should be very grateful he has found someone who is willing to take him and his past on and also make an equal contribution towards the costs of living with him. Hes a lucky man and shouldn't be trying to make you feel you are mean because you aren't.
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