A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma and I'm looking for some advice!I've recently been diagnosed with cancer and am thankfully getting treatment but unfortunately this has meant an extended period of time off work that I was financially unprepared for.I will need some support other than what I'm entitled to from the government so asked my grandmother who has significant savings and investments and who could easily help me.I've never asked for help before and the whole situation of being ill is stressful enough as although my grandmother said she would help, she is being reluctant as she thinks she will have to give all the rest of the family the same amount of money.I don't agree that she has to in the situation but it has caused some rows.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 I second the fact you should try macmillan and see if they can help. I understand that you are going through a tough time, but that does not mean that your grandmother should become your source of income weather she has the money or not is irrelevant. It is her money and her choice and I do understand where she is coming from. You should contact support groups or look in to loans.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2017):
 I also note that you haven't said who the rows are between over your request for assistance. I hope people are not arguing with your grandmother.
If you are going to struggle with rent and other ongoing costs etc maybe consider storing your furniture in somebody's garage and moving in with a family member until the situation is resolved and your health improved enough to go back to work.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (9 March 2017):
Because your question is more about the family politics, considering you have asked for help, and your grandmother is reluctant, and it has already caused some rows you need to let it drop and perhaps seek the financial support you need elsewhere.
Your grandmother's income from pension and assets are her business and her's to deal with as she sees fit.
If her assets etc are causing rows now, while she is still alive then prepare yourself for the absolute family feuds that will probably happen once she is dead.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 March 2017):
 Have you tried talking to Macmillan Cancer Care? They provide advice to cancer sufferers on all respects of living with cancer, including financial hardship.
Sending HUGS and best wishes for a full recovery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies so far.To answer a couple of questions should you be able to offer any further advice...The rest of the family are not likely to need to receive any imminent support from my grandmother. We're a small family and everyone else is part of a couple. I on the other hand am single and 31 years old.I do not own my own home and my only asset is my furniture and my car. If I sold the car it would probably help me for two months financially at best. I would then not be able to drive to work for my job when I can go back to work in September.My grandmother is 90'years old owns her own home and has savings of £500k but her pension alone which she only uses 1/4 of would more than cover the monthly additional support I need without interrupting savings.My father and brother known what the situation is and are happy with me to receive the support given the circumstances. It is only my aunt who lives in France and my cousin who May not be aware of the help required but are very aware of the situation.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2017):
 There are a couple of things to think about here, from your grandmother's perspective. One is she's a senior, living on a fixed income, living on the investment interest from her savings and her investments so you are asking her to deplete those in order to give you money now. The second is if she gives you a substantial amount of money now, there could well be several family members who have situations that require them to need extra cash at the moment. Yes, cancer is a dreadful disease, and it's horrible to have to go through it. That being said, there are other things that happen in peoples lives, accidents, pregnancies, job losses, any number of things that could lead to financial difficulties.I'm sure your grandmother would like to help you as much as she can, she is actually thinking about the totality of her family, which is more than just you. You are focused on your situation right now, because you have cancer (completely understandable) and are facing these financial difficulties. Let me ask you this, if you had no grandmother thus no savings and investments you could tap on, how would you get through this?You didn't mention your grandmother's situation, other than she's comfortable, but assume that everyone in your family suddenly needed a huge inflow of cash, and they all turned to her at the same time. Where would that leave her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): what an enormous burden on top of your own health issues. Is there a charity that provides support to people suffering your particular cancer? They maybe able to share some options that other sufferers have discovered in the past to deal with these same issues that burden so many in the community.
if you have anything of value, that you can sell, and manage without, then dispose of such things to raise some funds.
If you have any asset that you could mortgage to raise some funds to tide you over then consider that.
Be prepared to cut back on lifestyle choices that are a burden while you are unable to work.
Then when you have done everything possible to raise your own funds, and reduce your outgoings, then approach your grandmother about a fully documented loan.
Show your grandmother what you have done to help yourself.
If your grandmother passed away then the debt would still need to be repaid after her death if it is fully documented and you would then be required to make repayment to her estate thus the other grandchildren would not be missing out on any of their inheritance.
THAT assumes that maybe your grandmother intends to leave you anything to any of her grandchildren. In reality she may choose to not leave her grand children anything.
Of course if grandmother is very generous she could include into her Will that she forgives the money she lent you when she passes, if you have not fully repaid the debt by then. But given her reluctance, I doubt that she would choose that option.
If even your grandmother will not help then some major reorganisation of your lifestyle may be required.
The Citizen's advice bureau may be able to suggest useful resources and some charities that may be able to assist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I've sought advice from that perspective so I do have to have some financial support outside government help. My question was more about the family politics.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 March 2017):
 Before you go to your grandmother, you should talk to a social worker first. There are a lot more sources of financial help than just the government's payments. You're in the UK, so I don't know what they have specifically in your country, but there must be a similar non-profit help center like we have in the US with the American Cancer Society, which gives reimbursements, grants, medicine, and other help which significantly unburdens needs.
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