A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hello everyone...Please tell me if this sounds crazy!! My fiance and I have been dating for about 4 years and we are getting married soon. Anyway, we both know we want kids in our future and we want them while we are both still young (under 30). The problem is he says he wants me to try to get pregnant on our wedding night/honeymoon because "that is what you are supposed to do". I think that was a completely crazy thing to say..and in his defense he says the baby doesnt come until 9 months later. He thinks even waiting a month after marriage is too long..what should I do about this? Am I really the only one who thinks this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Even though you two have been together for awhile I think you should put off having kids for awhile. When you first get married it should be a time for you and your husband to be "just the two of you". Have some alone time, do things together or visit places that you have never been. Spend some time just enjoying the peace and quiet!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): It's kind of a romantic idea but lets get back to reality for a moment.
Don't you think it's pretty worrying that you ask for help about this situation on the Internet? You're about to be making a life-time commitment with someone, you've been faced with a classic difference in beliefs and rather than talk about it, and come to an agreement, your other half has told you in no uncertain terms what he wants, you're left thinking there is no other option but to go ahead with it and you've consequently come on here.
I think this situation is a little crazy to be honest. Why not talk to him about the practicalities about marriage - perhaps spending some time (a year?) as a married couple and seeing how it goes. Once you have a child that is it for at least 20 years - you'll never have proper time to yourselves.
Enjoy being in a childless relationship. Spend plenty of time having fun, building a proper strong relationship until such a time that you are both completely sure having a child would be for the best. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): I can understand why you don't wish to conceive on your wedding night, however I can't exactly see your problem if you both want children soon. You don't mention how long after getting married you would like to conceive - are you sure you want children as soon as he does?
You are making it out that you don't want to get pregnant on your wedding night because that isn't what people do - yet he wants to as he thinks that is what people do. It doesn't come down to what either of you think is the right thing to do - it comes down to what you collectively want to do.
If you do decide to go his way you could conceive on the night, or it more likely might not take time - days, weeks or even months.
If you want to wait longer just tell him you want to have children (which you obviously already have) but just not straight away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): i think you need to talk about this with you man. Trying for a baby puts alot of pressure on relation ships. Sometimes you fall into the we've gotta have sex to make a baby thing!! thats not good! sex is a bond between man n wife and shouldnt just be to make a baby. Explain to him yu would like some time to enjoy married life together first and then try for a baby a little later? im sure he will understand xx
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 Hmmm, "supposed to do"? Who said so? If you did a random survey of parents and asked how long after the wedding night the baby appeared, there probably won't be many who say 9 months. Apart from anything, does your fiance think that every attempt is successful? Not everyone conceives right away, it can take time. I don't know where he's got this idea from, but you need to tell him that it isn't true! If you did end up agreeing to this against your will, then it's not a good way to start a marriage with him telling you what to do, but the pressure on YOU if you don't fall pregnant within that first month is not a nice environment to start married life. Sort this out before you get married.
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