A
female
age
30-35,
*helleyanne
writes:I'm due a month before cousin's wedding, and I'm maid of honor, can I back out?Currently it is late March. Two weeks ago my cousin asked me to be maid of honor for her wedding in early September. I'm due almost exactly a month before the wedding will take place, so I tried to explain that I wasn't sure if I was up for the responsibility. I'm still in college, a full-time student, work part time, and still live with my parents. This is my first child, so I'm not at all sure what to expect a month after giving birth. I told her I would like to decline, only two weeks after she asked me, and she had a minor melt down. She told me she could help manage costs, and perhaps one of my friends could tend to the baby at the hotel near the wedding so I could dip in and out of the wedding to nurse. Children are not invited to the wedding or reception. I told her I would indeed think about everything she said and call her in the next day or so. I did call her and told her after considering everything that I didn't see why I couldn't manage to be there for her as maid of honor. She seemed relieved, but my cousin is a very pushy kind of person. She told me that she was so glad I decided that because even though she understands that I'm having a baby, and pregnancy is "obviously" making me hormonal, that I really didn't know what she was going through with stress. My cousin is unemployed; the wedding is her only responsibility. I was annoyed, but let it drop. Before getting off the phone, she told me she had written me an email the night before in frustration, and to disregard it.When I read the email I found her telling me how the whole family had told her to expect me to "flake out." She said she wasn't surprised that I was being so unthoughful and irresponsible, and that she never thought I would follow through on my committment to her. After reading this I am wondering why I would even show up to her wedding. I really do understand that she is incredibly stressed about her coming wedding, but if she really wanted to convince me that we could work out the wedding together, insulting my character was not the way to do it.My cousin and I have not been close in years, but she doesn't have many close friends. Should I bite my tongue and be maid of honor to avoid causing waves, or should I tell her to take a hike?
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (31 March 2010):
You could offer to be an usher or just another role that is not as demanding. Or you could help her with stuff she needs eg. Shopping, invitations, etc. BEFORE your baby arrives. After that you can't be running around for her. You can offer to do it all at her next wedding (ahem)!
A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (31 March 2010):
You could offer to be an usher or just another role that is not as demanding. Or you could help her with stuff she needs eg. Shopping, invitations, etc. BEFORE your baby arrives. After that you can't be running around for her. You can do it all at her next wedding (ahem)!
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A
female
reader, shelleyanne +, writes (28 March 2010):
shelleyanne is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much for your responses. Sometimes you just need an unbiased listener to tell if you're overreacting. It's nice to see that I'm not being ridiculous about this situation. Thanks for the help!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 I think she sounds totally out of order, and is being remarkably selfish!
You have every right to turn round and back out now, because that email was the last straw.
Bottom line, you are pregnant, and yes, you are due a month before the wedding. Have you considered your baby (like many others might I add), may decide it likes being inside you and doesnt arrive on its due date. Babies have a habit of not doing what you expect them to do! They dont read the timetable and think... oh yes, mum has to go to a wedding, so I better be getting a move on. Babies can be early, late or very very stubborn! lol
It will all be new, and you will still be getting into a routine of what to do wiht a new baby. You will be suffering from sleepless nights, and generally knackered, probably prefering to be at home sleeping than trying to keep up appearances at an all day wedding, which are always tiring! I dont think your cousin really understands what having a baby is all about, if she thinks you will be ok with leaving your baby with somone else for long periods after only 4 weeks. New mothers are very protective, and babies need mum. Be it for food, or cuddles, or just being near. You will be irate about its wellbeing all the time you are not within earshot. Its natural, its called being a mum!
I think, you should just tell her, you want to make your first few weeks with your baby a special and quiet time, and will not have the time OR the energy to be doing all the maid of honour jobs she will inevitably want you to do.
Dont let her bully you, and stand up to her! Bridezilla needs a wake up call.!!!
Tiger x
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (27 March 2010):
But why is she obsessed with having you as a maid of honor? Is there no-one else? If I were you, I would take advantage of the nasty email she sent and back out now using it as an excuse. Because you are only going to be in each other's faces for months and months and the stress of your schooling, your baby and her wedding demands are going to take their toll on your relationship. Just back out now before you become committed any further. She will be angry for a couple of weeks and you will make peace in time for the wedding.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (27 March 2010):
But why is she obsessed with having you as a maid of honor? Is there no-one else? If I were you, I would take advantage of the nasty email she sent and back out now using it as an excuse. Because you are only going to be in each other's faces for months and months and the stress of your schooling, your baby and her wedding demands are going to take their toll on your relationship. Just back out now before you become committed any further. She will be angry for a couple of weeks and you will make peace in time for the wedding.
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