A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for two and a half years and we are amazing together!many peole comment on what a close and genuine couple we are! we are so happy!But a couple of months ago he left the pub early and i stayed out with his friends. unfortunately i got very intoxicated and do not remember much of the latter nights events. The next day I was very sick and felt that maybe i had been spiked but my partner reassured me that i had probably mixed my drinks to much! then i had a terrible sense of guilt that something had happend bt=etween me and one of his friends, i contacted this friend who told me that something had happened but he wont say anything, he was so calm, i was hysterical i felt my whole 'perfect' world crumbling. I cant stand the guilt I love my boyfriend so much and cannot imagine life without him. It was totally out of character but i dont know wether to come clean or not to say anything, every day its playing on my mind and i dont know if it will eva go! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Cheating is cheating, even if you are intoxicated.
But, you need to take a serious look at yourself and get a grip on what alcohol can do.
Take this quiz: http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
Also, read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism
And, finally, keep this in mind: Only one drink may substantially impair some individuals, who still think that they are "in control" but in reality have cognitive impairment that leads to further bad decision making.
"Misuse, problem use, abuse, and heavy use refers to improper use of alcohol which may cause physical, social, or moral harm to the drinker."
"Moderate use is defined by The Dietary Guidelines for Americans as no more than two alcoholic beverages per day for men and no more than one alcoholic beverage per day for women."
That is "moderate use" being only 1 (One) alcoholic beverage per day for a woman. That's not low use, it's "moderate" use.
A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (15 December 2010):
"Possibly cheated" :)
Too much compunction.
Really drunk person can hardly commit real cheating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 I agree fully with CaringGuy. Since you don't really know what happened how can you fess up?
I think you need to stop drinking though. Yes, you drink could EASILY have been spiked, but you could also have had a low tolerance to alcohol that day. Better safe then sorry from now on.
IF you do remember at some point I would consider telling him. Telling him you "think" something happened isn't going to help either of you.
PS, normally I call the BS card on the whole.. "I was so drunk" excuse, but I have had my drink spiked and I know what a gaping hole it leaves in your memories.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (15 December 2010):
 I would be honest with him and tell him that you don't remember what happened and you feel that your drink had been spiked (although its possible you did just mix drinks)and you talked to his friend who was very calm about the whole ordeal.
He needs to know and not to get rid of your guilt but because you both need to get to the bottom of what really happened that night. He will be angry and hurt, but you guys can work it out if you want to. Be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I wonder if you can trust this guy that he is being totally honest, you can't remember if anything happened or not. It could be he finds it amusing to tell you something happened. So tell your boyfriend if you feel you have to. You are in a better position to know how he will react. Once you have told him you will have to hope he takes it well. What if he doesn't. But quite honestly you were drunk and don't recall what happened - so you could just forget it. It's been a couple of months and the dust has settled. You've learnt a lesson the hard way - don't get so drunk that you don't know what you are doing again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 December 2010):
The problem is, you seem to want to tell him just because you feel guilty, and not because you really believe it's the right thing to do. You shouldn't just tell him just to get rid of your guilt, because it won't work. You'll just see his heart break in front of you and then you'll still feel bad.
Also, whilst something clearly happened, you're not entirely sure what. So even if you did admit it, you wouldn't really be able to say entirely what happened.
So, I think that unless you're sure of what happened, and unless you're telling your boyfriend because you believe it's right, you might be better not saying anything. I don't think this friend will let it out. Also, that's the last time you can get drunk. You can't afford to make this mistake again, so cut the alcohol to the minimum.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Hi am afraid that i dont think it will go away. You love your boyfriend very much and you have done something stupid through to much alcohol and the guilt will always be with you, it will make you miserable.
Am afraid the best thing to do here is to be honest with your boyfriend, that way you can release the guilt and try and make it up to him, sit down and explain everything to him, of course he is going to be very upset and angry at first. but hopefully he will see that it was a huge mistake and will allow you to work hard on earning the trust back.
Its best to tell him and not have it hanging over your shoulder for the rest of your life.
Goodluck.
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