A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Ok, I'm gonna begin by saying that in others eyes and views, what me and my boyfriend have would seem like a fairy tale come true. I wish it was that easy. I am 26, he is turning 30 in a cpl. wks., we met when I was 16, and he was my very 1st love, and 1st shattered heart!! He wasnt ready to give me commitment and blah, blah, blah then, and felt bad, and dumped me in as nice of a way as he could. Well it took me basically 7 years to get over it truly, to the point of not thinkin of him every day at least once, and comparing my other boyf to him, and the longing. When we broke up, we saw each other and were "buddies" for 2 years, then just stopped talking 4 no reason in particular. I dated 3 other guys in the next 7 yrs., and he immediately met a Rhinanna look-alike that was the young, naive, hot girl, that he felt he wanted to take under his "wing". We all lived in a very, very small town, so they as a couple were controversial. Anyhow, the next 2 guys were rebounds, the 1st adored me and was his opposite. I broke it off cuz he was too hardcore with the marriage, babies, lovey dovey crap, the 2nd guy was more like my 1st love ( Nate) but still not comparable either. He used me for sex. Then the 3rd guy in those 7 yrs. was a guy 10 years older than me that I fell hard for, and learned A WHOLE LOT from, but it ended because he got into drugs and it got worse and worse in the last yr. of the 3 yrs. we dated. I had to move away and start a new life cuz of it. Well one day, when I was at the point of being over Nate, he called me up and he and his "ex" wife- ( which btw was the girl he met after me, 7 years younger ) had split cuz she was hooked on every drug under the sun, and he was at his breaking point with them being together after 7 yrs. She had went from a sheltered, and very niave christian~ to the extreme, extreme opposite. OK, this is T.M.I... So, long long story shortened, we got back together to see what might have been or get closure, and sure enuf we loved each other all along. Felt like soul mates. I ended up going thru alot, his ex had a baby born addicted to drugs and has numerous health probs from it, he served 5 months in jail after we had only been dating again for 7 months, and I had faith to stick by his side thru all of that. Keep in mind the 1st time we were "dating" he was just a cool, mature, pimpin-whatever- guy with his shit together and no probs. So I never dreamed any of this would end up how it did. The point is, we ended up dating after all those yrs. and he did his time and got bad karma served to him for all the past, while he was with me. He straightened up though. BUT~~ eventually we both ended up gettin back into the evil drug- (coke) that we knew better from the past how it was and what it could do. I enjoy it w/ him cuz I dont open up easily, and he does too much!!! That drug ended up helpin us communicate and learn about each other. ( I'm a capricorn, hes a cancer if ya know how opposite that is! ) We have basically dated 3 years w/ 2 months bein broke up outta that, and only maybe 3-5 months been sober from it together. When we were sober, everything was almost perfect, the sex, chemistry, everything. When doing that, we are different ppl, can't see eye to eye, no sex at all, which is a HUGE issue, and just run every tiny thing into the ground. (He brings it up 95%) of the time. My main question is, what do you do when you love someone SO much, both have a drug addiction, but one is ok with it, wants sex, and expects things to be normal, and the other is the total complete opposite???? We have talked about it every other day for months, me knowin its the issue, he doesnt understand, and keeps wanting to all the time but yet talks about it 24/7 and wont give it a chance to STOP to see things can be different!!!Its hard to stop too when he has given up on me, and hope and sobriety!!!! I love him so, so much- I just need to know what steps to take and does it seem possible that it will work?
View related questions:
broke up, christian, drugs, got back together, his ex, in jail, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 It made me chuckle the way the girl who he took 'under his wing' turned out. Then I realized how sad it was that he influenced her enough to turn her life to real trash. This guy obviously seems like a real dirt bag. I have always asked myself why women put up with men like this. It seems like the guy you mentioned you dated that was the complete opposite of him would have been the perfect guy to be with. Instead, you want one of those cases where you have to 'change' the man to suit your personal needs. Listen, it's cool that you want to be sober, in fact you are saving your own life when you make that choice. You should look into the long term symptoms of cocaine. It's not fun. I could go into a long rant about how you only have one life and blah blah blah, but seeing as you are still with this guy, I think you just want to have a miserable life. As long as it's with him.
Can't you see the crazy thought process behind that? You are willing to go down the tube with this guy? Look at what he's done to other women! Seeing as you were able to date other men, I'm sure you are attractive and smart enough to find another guy. Soul mates don't snort together in order to have sex with each other, they have sex together sober. Because they want to. They communicate together sober, because talking to each other gets them high enough. They love to be together with all their senses heightened, not dampened down by drugs. People that truly love each other don't want to see the physical harm that this type of drug can result in. Period. As for 'changing' him? You're never going to. If you look ten years down the road (assuming he's still with you), he's going to be doing the same thing. I know if my boyfriend started getting into this stuff again (he was into it years before I met him, and a threat of jail time sobered him up damn quickly), I would leave him. Plain and simple. I love him too much to see him go down like that.
You need to realize that you have dated four people out of the three billion in this world, and it's ignorant to think that out of those billions, this guy is the only guy for you. That's what people say when they are afraid to see what's out there. So stop being afraid and get out of this relationship while you still can. It's a danger both to the guy you are with and to you as well.
|
