A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband is suffering from major depression. He’s a drug addict (marijuana and any drugs that can relaxing him) and also he is an alcoholic. He hasn’t been working almost 2yrs now. His parent and I have been supporting him financially. Because when I took that vows I meant it, for poorer and for richer, in sickness and in health. He doesn’t do anything around the house to help. Despite this I do love him and I can see that how unhappy he is with life. He did try everything you named it, to make himself get better but all fail miserably. He has several affaires with other women, two which he slept with for months. He said that his condition makes him do things that he can understand why. He said he love me. We had a big argument about this. I decided that it was the best that I should leave him. I started to go out which he hated it, being alone in the house by himself. I started to look around for someone that to cheer me up NOT to have any relationship with – all just friends. He demanded me to stop. What a double standard?A couple nights ago he had a broke down. He was in tears and kept saying that I should be with someone that totally deserves to have me, and how good girl I am, I will make someone a very happy man, and so on. Then he overdosed himself. He wanted to die, he said.I remain with him because funny enough I bloody do love him so much! But I can’t trust him at all. He stills have regular contact with all his women. These women are known full well that he is a married man. What is wrong with these women?What shall I do? I love him so much. Let’s say if he needs to have his kidney operation, I will be the one who said take mine. That is how much I love him. I die for him. That is why I don’t know what should I do? He is a good man, good heart. He is perfect, accept mentioned above.
View related questions:
affair, alcoholic, drugs, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you, you all for giving me great advices. They are very helpful and supportive. I can’t say thank you enough. Thank you again.
A
female
reader, angelalb  +, writes (13 January 2011):
I was in a similar situation as you. The others are right. He is only using you. People (men) don't change! If you are supporting him you are only enabling him to support his drug habbit. I would not be ok with the other women and you should not either. He thinks its ok because in his mind you are ok withit because you are letting him get away with it. You need to give him an ultimatum and say its me with no drugs no women and counseling or I am out. When he is alone and cannot support himself and the women dump him believe me they will. He will realize just how good he had it or could of had it with you. Leave him. you are lowering your self estem and standards by being with him and you will only put yourself in debt. Take care. Daniele
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): You say you married him 'for better or worse', well it takes two to make that vow and he has pretty much fowled up on his side of the bargain. You have got the 'for worse' bit and little else. He has so many issues that professional help is the answer and in a way you are supporting him in his lifestyle, letting him somehow not face up to the cold reality of his situation. He is destroying himself. A bit of tough love would not go amiss. Sometimes alcholics etc need to hit rock bottom, stare reality in the face, before really trying to get help. I know because my father was a chronic alcholic. My mother gave him so my chances and supported him over many years until he nearly destroyed her - she left him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Depression, drugs, alcohol, infidelity, they all go together.
Alcohol is a Central Nervous System Depressant, Marijuana does the same thing and can cause all sorts of altered thinking over time, and people will do all sorts of things under the influence of these things.
You are co-dependent, as are his parents, and possibly the other women.
Your husband needs to get clean and sober and stay that way, and no way can he safely continue to drink or use MJ at any level.
Your life will never improve if he continues to use and you continue to support him.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 If you love him as much as you say that you do then you must stop supporting and sustaining his dependency. The only way that he will snap out of it is if you basically throw a bucket of cold water on him and force him to sort himself out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2011):
 To me it sounds like the two of you have a very toxic and dysfunctional marriage and relationship. There is addiction and codependency going on like crazy.
I think you need to stop blaming the women he has been sleeping with .... Yes, they have a low set of morals to sleep with a married man.... but it doesn't matter. THEY are not the ones hurting you and your marriage.. your HUSBAND is and to some extend YOU are too. By allowing this behavior. By nurturing his addiction.
I don't really see any way to give you advice that you might actually take. Because in my eyes he HAS to get clean and back on his feet. It doesn't matter how many times he tried, he can't give up on sobriety, IF he wants to live. Maybe the drugs do have a "say" in his actions, but they shouldn't control YOURS. I FULLY agree with him that you DO deserve more out of life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Im sorry you find yourself in this position. Maybe it would be best if you looked into joining Alcoholics Anonymous. They offer support to the families of people who are abusing substances. From there you will learn so much about the problem and be able to help your partner. It will also help you to change the mind set that says you should enable your partner because you love him. The point is, much as you love him and want to help him, there are different ways to go about it. Its a subject which will need indepth understanding and you will find the support and informatiuon with a group such as the AA. You may find that you are codependant. Also, he may have buried reasons for acting out as he is doing. Things from his past that need dealing with before he can think of changing his life choices. These are big issues and you will find them easier to deal with if you seek some outside help for both of you. I hope things improve shortly.
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Well you know what the cause of it all is, it's the drugs, and alcohol. For anything to work here you'd have to get him in to detox. That must have been a wake up call for him when you met someone else because you are always there for him no matter what, his doormat, and then suddenly even you wouldnt be there for him so he is trying to kill himself. You have no chance of sorting him out on y our own without specialist help. If he is prepared to go and get himself clean, who knows, do these things really work. Otherwise, all y ou can do is go and get yourself the life that y ou deserve and leave him to do what he loves most. I wonder how he manages to get other women whilst he's in this state. I should get yourself checked out for STD's as well.
...............................
|
