A
male
age
36-40,
*eah0523
writes:hello everyone,im kinda stuck in a situation that almost everyone one here can relate to on either side. Ive been together with my wife for 6 years now and have been married for a little over a year now. We have gone though tough times and I have done things that I may not be proud of. I have cheated on her while we were bf and gf but she wanted to do whatever it took for her to be with me. We worked it out and well i was surprised she still wanted to be with me. I was ready to move on but like i said there was still that emotion missing. She has grown on me and has been a big part of my life. She means well and treats me like I'm the best person for her. Since we been together I have always felt that we are missing that one tingly feeling that two people get when they are "in love" I love to express myself but over the years I really havent been able to. I do love her but like i said i am missing that something that makes me smile when i get a phone call, get excited when i get a text message.SO the problem:Over the pas year that we have been married we started hanging out with new friends and had "married couple friends". This is where the problem is and happened. I started getting closer to both of our new friends but a lot closer to my wifes best friend. Her and I started talking in code and made eye contact like no other. WE began texting and talking and actually started falling in love. She has a daughter and is married and married with no kids. Over the past month we have had the best times ever smiling and laughing but always thinking in the back of our minds, what if they found out. Well we decided that we wanted to be together no matter what and were going to stick by one anothers side no matter what. Recently someone caught us kissing at a party and all hell broke loose. In the end we didnt come clean, we admitted to kissing one another but that was it. We never told our spouses that we loved each other or that we had something going on. All four of us had a talk and ended our friendship but all I could think about was being with her. It makes me sad to think that the i am living with someone I love knowing that I that I'm in love with is not here with me. I am not able to talk or see the one im in love with but i know she feels the same way. I could go on and on about her but what she and I was special. I know the situation we were in were wrong but if it true that if u find true love do u go after it no matter what? I have a close knit family and so do all of the people involved.If we did come out clean then so many people would be involved and that is another one of my concerns. I need advice of either to help me find the tingly feeling with my wife or do I go after the one that makes me smile just reading her texts. Im lost and need some guidance to see what you would do...
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reader, yeah0523 +, writes (20 February 2010):
yeah0523 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell after telling her everything she decided she wants to work things out. Im kinda sad and down since the one I loved or lusted can no longer talk to me. I have to put her behind me and try to focus on myself like you said. I am lucky to have a wife that wants to work things out after al lthis but like i said im still lost. I feel this emptiness that i want my wife to fill but no matter what i try i cannot find it. Currently we are still living together but we giving eachother space. its kinda weird but il lguess we will work through it. I fell as if i want my marriage to end and i tell my wife that but she does not want it to. she talked to her ex best friend and asked her if she loved me, and her bf told her that what we had was a fling. I dont believe that since like i said we knew we had something and it was not a fling. maybe the girl i loved is trying to put everything behind her and focus on her family i dunno but it did hit me hard when my wife said her ex bf told her that. I like to think things happen for a reason but i still havent found what this means to me yet. Im really lost now and dont know what to do. I appreciate my wife trying anything and everything to be with me but like i told her im not worth it. im a liar, cheater, no good kinda guy and i know she can get anyone else out there. I of course am heartbroken of something that only lasted two weeks, best two weeks ever, but still have to move on and if it is or isnt with my wife i dunno. i just need feedback and ill keep u posted. Remember our families are really close knit and once a fire starts all hell breaks loose.
A
male
reader, yeah0523 +, writes (19 February 2010):
yeah0523 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I told my wife everything and now she wants to try to work things out. Currently we are still living together but she wants to give me space to see if we can work things out. I dont feel for her the way i should nad feel bad even being here with her. Like i said we have two close knit families and i think that is her main concern. Honestly i have this empty feeling inside me and dont know what to do. I liked the alone time but i did not think about her. what should i do.
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A
male
reader, yeah0523 +, writes (17 February 2010):
yeah0523 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, i am thankful for the response. I am down since I did loose the one I loved, and lived my fantasy with. It could have been true but all of you are right, she has alot to loose and family and who I'd hurt has been my main concern. If I do leave my wife then my family may look down on me, hers will wanna kill me, my life will change alot and well i dunno. I like the honest points of view nad in my heart I know I'm not meant for my wife.I am lucky to have her but should I work this out. If I come clean about the whole situation me and her best friend had then Im pretty sure she will leave me. If I dont tell her I will be living a lie with her and myself.I am the most caring guy on the outside and treat my wife good but when it comes to our love life Im the worst. I just lost in all this and like the advice. I wish it was as easy to leave my wife and start fresh but I dont think it is. I am going to talk to her about all this and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 are you sure that what you have with this woman is actually love, or maybe it is lust because they are 2 completely different things. Maybe you like the idea of something new after all these years, however when it comes down to it if this 'relationship' was really what you thought it was why didn't you come clean??
By this other woman also not saying anything to her husband also makes me question does she feel the same way about you?? You and your wife have been through so much together and have been able to work things out before, why not talk to her about it and let her know exactly what has happened?? You owe it to her to be truthful with her, because if the roles where reversed would you not want her to tell you about it also?? Like Caring Guy says, if you don't love your wife then leave her so she can move on and find someone who loves her and only her and who can make her happy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
It's just sad that after all the effort your wife has put in you couldn't have come clean. I'm not sure you've been putting as much effort into your own marriage as you should, and in many ways that's the problem. You cheated once, and now you're doing it again, albeit emotionally. The other woman has problems with her marriage, and rather than face them she was living in a fantasy land with you. You were both in fantasy. Sit down now and think about what you want from life. You don't seem to really love your wife at all if after she tried her best to keep you all you did was fall for her best friend. If you don't love her, please leave so she can find someone else. As for this other woman, if she leaves her husband, then go for it. But bear in mind you will be taking on a child who will hate you, and bear in mind that though you might think you're in love now, the grass often appears greener on the other side. Seems to me like you would do better to spend some time alone and start afresh when you're sure about what you want. But at least let your poor wife find someone else who does love her.
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