A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey im 19 years old and have recently got with a new partner that ive fallen for pretty hard, he's an amazing guy and totally opposite to my ex. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 1 year and 7 months, and i think we should of ended the relationship after about 6/7 months.My ex boyfriend came from a family that has been known for alot of violence, his brother has been in prison twice, first for causing a perfectly healthy man to have brain damage by causing a nasty head injury, and a second time for beating his girlfriend and putting her in hospital. His father has aso spent most of his lifetime in and out of prison for violence, mostly towards women. For this reason i never met his dad or brother, and even though my best friends tried to stop me getting involved with him, and so did friends of my parents, i decided to give him a chance.After around 7 months his true colours came out, i wasnt allowed out with friends, he deleted every boy contact from my phone book, and then he started on my confidence. He insulted me at every chance he got and made me think it was my fault, and soon after that the violence followed, he never hit me, but he threw me around and into walls, squeezed my arms until i cried, pinched me and put me into head locks, eventually i finished it and blocked him out of my life. He left me thinking i was fat, (Im a uk size 8) ugly, and with no confidence, luckily my friends took me back and my confidence grew, along with the amount of male attention i recieved.Lately though ive been having a re-occuring dream. Im sat in a shop and he comes up to me, some how we end up kissing, and then he trys to get me to sleep with him, and starts to force me. I start shouting no you wont control me again, and then i walk to my friend and start crying and franctically searching for my boyfriend, at this time im repeating 'I like(my boyfriends name) so much more, i cant ruin this. Then my ex boyfriend locks me in a room (for my 18th birthday we went on holiday together, he locked me in the bathroom for 6 hours and took my phone and presents off me because a boy had text me to say happy birthday ) and he trys to kill me. For the last 4 nights in a row ive had that dream repeatedly. It ends with me crying in the same room i was locked in on holiday, then i wake up.Recently my ex boyfriend told me he loved me and couldnt stop thinking about me, i told him to leave me alone and that i would never get back with him. I wouldnt even contemplate leaving my new boyfriend for him, so why do i keep having this dream? Why am i so scared of being controlled by him when i have my new boyfriend? what do you think this means? I honestly have stronger feelings for my boyfriend now than i ever did for the whole year and 7 months with my ex.Thanks in advance xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Your ex was horrible, and I am glad for your sake that you are away from him. Never go back. As for your dreams, when dreams repeat themselves that means something is going unaddressed. You need to figure out what it is, or the dreams will not stop. Dreaming of an ex is usually a sign that you are not ready to commit. However, that is only the big outline. In this case I will say that you are scared that your new boyfriend will act like your old if you let him close enough. That room you were locked up in is still inside of your heart, and your fear locks you up in it at night. It is your insecurities that make you dream these dreams. All the bad things your ex boyfriend made you feel are all the elements in the dream. Being forced, being controlled, loosing freedom. They all come back to you because you are scared, as to make sure you will not forget. You have not yet dealt with the problems your ex boyfriend created for you. Find a way to overcome the fear of that room you get locked up in. Find the strength in yourself to know you will break free, and that no one can lock you up in a room again. You know the pattern now, you are stronger, you can break free if you feel threatened.
I suggest you start working more on your confidence, not only in your looks, but in your will-power. Stop being scared of that room, and show to yourself that you have nothing to fear any more.
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