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anonymous
writes: Whats wrong with me, why dont i want to have sex anymore? me and my boyfriend of 5 years are doing great, madly and passionatly in love, but for some reason, i just dont want to have sex. Once we start, its great and feels good and i like it, but i literally dread the thought of him wanting to and i dont know why. What do i do???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 February 2005):
 Hi there,Give some thought to what, specifically, it is that you're dreading. You write that the sex feels good once you're doing it, so it would appear that it isn't the physical activity that's causing your hesitation.Does your boyfriend approach you about sex in a way that turns you off? Is there any kind of hygiene issue that makes sex a chore for you? Does he want to have sex in positions that you find uncomfortable? Does it go too fast or too slow for you? These are just some places to start you thinking.Once you identify the more precise problem that you're trying to avoid, then you can take steps to correct it. If, for example, your boyfriend finds that he's more in the mood after a few drinks and you find him less attractive then than when he's sober, this is something you can address. (In this example, you could mention to him one day when he's sober how much more interested you are in sex when he's stayed away from alcohol and tell him some of the things you'd like to do with/to him then.)If you can discover some specific thing that's contributing to your continuing disinterest in sex, speak to your doctor or gynaeocologist and tell him or her about it. Far from being alone, I'd hazard a guess that you're in the silent majority of women, so you don't have to feel shy about it.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2005): I really don't have a answer because I have the same problem and I just asked a simular question. But I think you might have to go talk to a professional, it is all in your head and not something you can change on your own or you wouldn't have the problem. Good luck and I hope it will help me also.
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