A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single mum and had a bad, stressful break up with my baby's father. Recently I met and started seeing a guy who made me feel happy for the first time in ages..we're attracted to each other, he respects me, makes me laugh, is good with my baby and I was starting to find my self confidence again..then he had to go away for a week abroad where his ex girlfriend works..He came back and it was bad news..At least though I appreciate that he was completely honest with me, he said he couldn't see me anymore because he still had feelings for his ex but liked me and wanted to stay friends. His brave, honest and considerate act just made me like him even more!I'm just not used to being treated right by men,clearly, because I'm so surprised he didn't just ignore me on return or decide to use and carry on with me whilst thinking about her..I decided to tell him to give me some space for a while just till I stopped liking him because if we hung out as friends I worried my self worth would suffer because I would always be hoping for it to lead to more when he didn't feel the same...Perhaps this possibly 'hard to get' response attracted him because he said he understood, but still wanted to hang out because he felt we go together really well... basically a reply which definitely struck me as flirting and confused me. I know I should get him out of my head but I can't shake the hope that he will get over her again like he did before he saw her that week.. (I feel strongly we would have blossomed if he hadn't gone away and seen her again) and I could help him get over her by being his rebound! Isn't that how everyone gets over someone? Don't we all rebound off each other?What should I do?I'm sorry this probably sounds like an overblown rant and you must get exasperated with hopeless pleas about unrequited love.. but I'm just so lonely and have been through so much recently, when things started to look up I really believed I could be happy again and I desperately want to believe that again and the happier I am, the happier my child can be. What child wants to grow up with a sad and isolated mother I just want to be a happy strong rolemodel but I need someone to believe in me for me to believe in myself. Please advise.Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help, particularly the girl who sent my second reply, it brought tears to my eyes actually and made me smile, thank you, I have actually just got a cat! and have decided to teach my baby sign language as a positive way to deal with this, to learn a new skill, keep myself busy and enjoy my child's company instead of focusing on the lack of desired male company.. you're right, he likes and respects me and I should be happy even though I didn't get the desired outcome, at least I was treated well- it's my self respect and my baby I should be focusing on
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Nope babes, not a rant, thank you for sharing your story. We all come here because we like to help, if we can, your not boring us at all. This new guy sounds nice, he doesn't want to hurt you, use you, or make you want things he can't give. He likes you, and he respects you, for him, your too much of a special person to be used on the rebound. He loves someone else, and refuses to give you less than you deserve. Forget about men for the moment, men will come when you are ready. At the moment, you think so little of yourself, you don't care about you very much, and that needs to change. In your current mood, a nasty man could use and abuse you.Do what a lot of people do. Hang out with friends, buy a cat, paint the walls, learn to speak Dutch. Anything to make your life a little more exciting, find fun things to do with people you don't have a romantic relationship with. This is the best way to heal. The rebound person always gets dumped. The guy either goes back to his ex, or he finds another woman who is not you. You deserve more, and I'm so gratefully that he think you are worth more as well.. Try to find things that don't involve men, and when you are ready, the right man will come along and you'll be the only woman that he wants to be with. Your lonely, make friends and forget about lovers.
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