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male
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anonymous
writes: I messed up and started to smother this girl I am talking to. We have gone out once in the past two weeks we have been talking. She even told me I was smothering her, after I asked her why she wasn't returning my texts, or calls. Right now she said that she is willing to give me another try so to speak, so I'm leaving the ball in her court. I'm worried that she will not call or anythin. Is there anything I can do to bring back her interest? Or is it hopeless and I should give up on ever hearing from her again?
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female
reader, Stewart Terrace +, writes (12 October 2005):
Well one thing never give up till she says so. Dont pester her tho give her some time she will get back intouch when she is ready.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 October 2005):
 Well, there's one thing in your favour: your girlfriend will tell you what's on her mind, instead of hoping you take hints. Be grateful that she told you what was bothering her, so you could stop doing whatever it was that was making her uncomfortable. At least now you know where you stand.
First things first, though. Stop calling. Stop texting. Your girl has already told you - clearly - that all your attention was too much for her. If you keep at it, and if you act like you're desperate, you're going to put her off and make her pull away even more.
There's a really cheesy old saying that you should probably remember about relationships. I hesitate to chuck this at you because it's a well-worn cliche, but it is basically true: 'If you love someone, you set them free. If they come back, it's meant to be'.
If your girlfriend is sincere in her feelings for you, then the fact that you don't call every single day or text her every spare moment is not going to make her lose interest. Think about this situation in reverse: if she didn't text you for a day or two, do you think you'd forget about her? Of course you wouldn't... because you care about her. Now, if she cares about you, then she'll come back and return your affection to the best of her ability. If she doesn't come back, then the truth is that there wasn't any real relationship there in the first place. It's important to understand that there isn't anything you can do to "make" someone love you, or make them love you again. That's not a flaw on your part; that's just the way it is.
You also need to remember that some people are naturally less demonstrative. (I know; I'm one of them.) People who aren't demonstrative don't like to kiss in public, or sometimes even in private. They don't want to be told "I love you" all the time, and they need lots of time to be alone. Maybe your girlfriend is like this, and if she is, you have two options: the first is to learn to modify your behaviour to match hers. The second is to find a girlfriend who's better matched to your personality.
For now, give your girlfriend some space. Back off and wait for her to make a move. But keep in touch with other girls too, because there's a whole world of people out there, and a lot of them could make you as happy (or happier) than your current girlfriend can.
Good luck, dear.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2005): Buddy------ Im going through the same thing right now with my ex-girlfriend of over a year. She broke up with me because she said she doesnt love me anymore. I have had the hardest time moving on because i text her and call her all the time and she doesnt return the effort. I have learned if you leave them alone good chances are they will eventually show interest.
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A
female
reader, clarence +, writes (11 October 2005):
firstly i would take a deep breath in and out then think what you like about this girl, once you have done that think about why she thinks you are smothering her?? if you feel that you are in a way being over protective as such think again of what you will lose if you do this, girls like to be chased but not too much, we like a bit of a challenge xx
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