A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 years old and don't feel ready to settle down for ages. I've been single my whole life (had a lot of things to deal with like an abusive family) and would rather be single right now too. Superficially society might consider me most physically attractive before I'm 25, but I think it's silly that people are pressurised into marrying early because of that and I don't want to conform. I don't understand the idea that *everyone* should try to get married before they're 30 if they want to get married. A lot of the more stable marriages I've seen are those where both partners were in their 30s or older when they married, and got more time to decide on what they really wanted before they settled down. Obviously this isn't the only reason but IMO a large part of the divorce rate is due to people settling down earlier than they otherwise would have due to societal/family pressure.Should I be making more of an effort to find a long-term partner at 21? I feel like I don't want to right now, but people often say that your chances of finding a good husband fall if you leave it till you're 30. I might not leave it that long but I have a lot of things I want to do first and need to figure out who I am, though I definitely want to marry eventually. I won't even finish university till I'm 26.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): Blimey, you are only 21!Why on earth are you worried about marriage now?In any case, no one can plan when they fall in love. You might be mortified to find that yourself in a relationship with the man of your dreams that you marry in a heartbeat next year. Or you might meet him when you're 45.Or never.Or you might meet several.Worrying about when is pointless when there is no who. You could think 'oh I really want to go travelling when I retire, so I need to have the kids out of the nest by then, so I should probably have them by the time i'm in my mid 30s. Probably best get married a couple of years before the first baby. Ergo get married when I'm 32' But none of this will happen without the man.You could adopt ofcourse or IVF etc. My point is it's pointless worrying about marriage now. Complete waste of brain space. Enjoy yourself and do it freely.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Live your life as YOU see fit.
There isn't a cookie cutter mold for a happy life. What makes ONE person happy may not make the next one happy too.
YOU have to do what FEELS right for you.
At some point in time you will met someone who is a good fit, because he FEELS the same way. No need to "force" yourself to do things you really don't want to.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (19 February 2015):
Dear OP,
I completely agree with your opinion and I'm asking myself who told you to get married before 30 and that you're most attractive below the age of 25? Is that really what others tell you.. or is it a fear that you have yourself?
Well, okay, maybe at the age of 21 I would have thought the same. But now, 10 years later, I can tell you I feel better looking than I felt at the age of 21, I have more social skills so it's easier to approach men or to talk to them if they approach me, and I don't feel like I'm living an unhappy life, even though I didn't settle down yet. All in all, I'm more laid back about these things.
Maybe I don't even want to settle down, at all. I want to feel free and sure, if I can feel free with someone else, I will do that.
My advice is to enjoy life and do what your heart tells you to do. But if you find love, by accident, don't push it away either, it might not be an obstacle to get what you need, it might be a new inspiration for your life. And love doesn't mean you need to marry, it just means you love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): Do what you want, don't live your life trying to conform to other people's ideas of how life should be lived and planned out. Some people are married at 18.19,20 and happy - others are divorced. Some people marry at 40 and divorce by 42 others are together for the rest of their days. Some people never marry. What's the big deal? You're young, concentrate and what makes YOU happy.When you are happy with yourself and how your life is, you might want to share that with someone else - or you might want to stay single. Whatever is right for you and you only. Don't allow friends or family to question your life choices. Don't feel pressured to settle down - you shouldn't get to a point where you are looking for someone to settle down with because your X age or other random reason. Do that and you'll never meet the right person that way. You should live your life happily for yourself, and you might meet someone and THEN decide - I want to share my life with THIS person.
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