A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known this guy for about a year now, we've been just friends, but recently he's been texting me about hooking up and being friends with benefits. But he even said a couple times that it would just be fun, nothing serious; so I guess that means no relationship obviously, just sex. Well we hooked up a couple times and now I'm wondering if maybe there's a chance we could eventually be more than just friends.. He's someone I could definitely see myself with. But I don't want to say something and scare him away. Are there some things I could do to maybe make him think about me non stop and just make me drive him wild :) ??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): If you wanted to hook him in for a relationship then you needed to never have casual sex with him in the first place. Men value women higher who don't sleep with guys casually. You have shown him that you are willing to do that already.
I have to disagree with the others, withdrawing sex from him now will not work either. That won't make him think you are someone who doesn't have casual sex, it just makes you someone who won't have casual sex with HIM anymore. He will (correctly) interpret what you are doing as punishing him for being BF material. On the other hand you would have kept rewarding him for being only fuck buddy material.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
 deep sigh
women who like men who like sex... next on Dr. Phil...
Men sleep with women as FWB because they can
Women sleep with men as FWB in hopes that they will be intimate and fall in love with them... sadly it's not how it works IRL.
the saying "women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place" is often true.
Now to be honest it's not always the case...I know this. I was FWB with my current boyfreind and we both fell for each other... but we are rare and broken people.
It almost NEVER works out if the woman cares about the man and sleeps with him in hopes of the mind blowing sex making him fall in love with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Chigirl has got it spot on.I wouldn't use her quote word for word (it's not flirty enough), but that's the gist.Men love to chase as well. As long as the girl is worth chasing and gives enough bait to keep the chasing going.Distance yourself, but keep yourself open to him. Look at it as a rewards game. What I mean is, if he acts appropriately (ie, showing interest in you as a gf) and goes after you, then respond positively.If he doesn't chase, he didn't like you to begin with. Harsh, but better than sleeping with him for awhile and feeling used and broken. And less manipulative than trying to use sex to get him to like you. The whole chasing thing sounds manipulative, but the point isn't to use it to manipulate him, rather it is to test if he has interest in you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 You got to stop having sex with him. And instead drive him wild, without the sex being part of it.
Since you are just friends, go back to being "just" friends, with NO sex. Tell him this: "You are a great friend to me, and I do not want to lose what we have by mixing it with sex. I also discovered that I am a person who doesn't want sex without emotions. Sex to me means more than just the physical, so I have to stop sleeping with you. If you want you and me to have an intimate relationship we should be dating first and see how things go, but as for now, we must stop hooking up. I need to take some time to think about what I want."
Most guys fall for the chase. If you are hard to get (don't just play hard to get, BE hard to get) they will work hard to get you. Give him some time, and occupy yourself with something else in the meantime. Try to avoid him a bit so your feelings for him will not grow. This game will end in tears if you end up falling in love! So do not fall for him! Distance yourself. Let him come to you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 No no no no no no no NO!
FWB is a terrible idea, believe me, I've been there and fell for this girl so hard. She didn't feel the same and I don't speak to her anymore. It was so hard to get over her, then I found out she was seeing somebody else and my heart just sank.
If you like this guy already, having meaningless sex with a guy is not going to change that, believe me, I'm a guy and have a ton of friends who hook up with women, week in week out. These girls are falling over theirselves to change these guys, but they can't, they're simply something that's convenient and there at the time when they need to get their rocks off.
How many other girls is he doing this to at the same time? For all you know, he could have another 5 on the go, you're just upping his tally and none the wiser. Here's you falling deeper in love with him when he's probably round at another girls house.
You're not a prostitute, so don't let him treat you like one, if you want a relationship, TELL HIM. Don't become his plaything, because you'll become wrapped around his little finger and it'll be too hard to break away from him and you'll get very, very hurt.
Hope this helps.
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