A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im really not sure at all as to why i feel this way, but for as long as i can remember ive always hated when a girlfriend of mine would drink. Im totally not against drinking, all my friends do and i have a few occasionally but ive only been drunk once and dont plan on it again.It bothers me even when they have 1 drink, i dont like the fact that they are beginning to lose their own thought process and they will become and act like a slightly different person. My girlfriend now gets mad at me because her roommates at school want us all to drink together but i always refuse. i dont know why i feel this way but i would like to try to fix it, any help?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 Do you drink yourself? You said you have only got drunk once, but do you have a few drinks now and then? It's ok that you want a girlfriend who will not drink, as long as you yourself abstain from alcohol. Or does the line go at a girlfriend being drunk? Is it ok for a girlfriend to enjoy alcohol moderately, say a glass of wine for dinner, maybe she gets a little tipsy? And then not ok to get hammered at a party?
You need to make this clear at the beginning stages of a relationship, before you get serious. And then it is acceptable. It's just as acceptable to ask for an alcohol free relationship as it is to ask for a cigarette or drug free relationship. Alcohol is a drug after all.
However, you yourself must also abstain.
In this case, you didn't agree with your girlfriend before you started dating that you do not approve of drinking. So I suggest you arrange with her that you do not approve of drinking, but that she can drink, you just do not wish to see it. Alternatively that you approve of moderate drinking, but if she wishes to get drunk you do not want to witness it. So you will not participate at any parties where she will be getting drunk, because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That should be acceptable. She can drink, but not with you around.
It isn't weird or unheard of at all. You just need to approach it the right way, without sounding judging, and make clear that this is just a personal preference of yours. You should explain this to her, seeing as she now gets mad at you. I don't think she understands your attitude towards alcohol, and maybe she takes it personally and thinks you have a problem with her, when instead you have a problem with alcohol. Talk to her and explain it.
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